


Beautifully Corrupted

by honggjoongie



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, One Shot, Porn Watching, Porn With Plot, Religious Guilt, Rimming, Smut, Woosan, endgame seongjoong, seongjoong, woojoong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:48:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honggjoongie/pseuds/honggjoongie
Summary: Hongjoong was homeschooled his whole life, raised sheltered and religious. The most important person in his life was always his mom and he'd never even kissed anyone.Enter Jung Wooyoung, his roommate when he goes off to college, who introduces him to a whole new world of experiences.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jung Wooyoung/Kim Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 35
Kudos: 225





	Beautifully Corrupted

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!!  
> I can't believe I had the vague idea of corruption and it turned into this 37k story, but I'm happy with how it turned out.
> 
> As a disclaimer: Once again, not intending to offend anyone with religious elements, but if that's not your thing then turn back now. I always want everyone to read safely. 
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.” Hongjoong’s mom repeats the sentiment for what seems like the hundredth time since they left the house. 

Hongjoong rolls his eyes with a chuckle, “I know mom, but I’m sure about this.” 

They’re an hour out from Hongjoong’s hometown, their car currently barreling towards his new home for the next four years. After weeks of thought and discussion and an endless list of concerns to be addressed from his mom, Hongjoong had made the decision to attend college in the city, pursuing a degree and career in business. It’s something he’s confident he’ll be successful at, especially with the help of the program at the school he’s chosen, but the prospect of moving away from home is more than a little daunting. 

“Okay sweetie, I just want you to be happy, and you know you can always tell me if you need anything.” Hongjoong’s mom smiles warmly at him, and he can’t help but return it as he nods in response. 

He looks forward again, his stomach swirling with anticipation, nervousness, and excitement as he stares at the miles of road ahead of them.

They haven’t been on campus for ten minutes, and Hongjoong’s mom is already bombarding him with questions. 

“Are you sure you have everything?” 

“Yes, mom.”

“Did you remember the laptop we bought?” 

“Yep, I have it right here.” 

“Did you double check the list they gave you? Do we need to go get you anything else?” 

“Nope, we got everything on the list.” 

“But-”

“Mom.” Hongjoong cuts her off with a gentle voice. “I don’t need anything else. I’m ready, really.” 

His mom pauses, before she sighs, her shoulders falling. 

“Okay, I just worry about you, you know.” 

“I know.” Hongjoong nods his head, and they walk off together in search of his dorm. 

Hongjoong knows it’s to be expected that this process won’t be effortless. It has just been him and his mom for his whole life, the pair inseparable for the duration of his childhood, his dad absent from the picture since before he was born. It’s always been the two of them against the world, and now they’re both having to get ready to face separate worlds on their own. 

The room is empty when Hongjoong turns the key in the lock and pushes the door open, him and his mom stepping in and surveying the small space. It’s pretty standard for a college dorm, two narrow beds pushed against opposite sides of the wall with a bedside table set next to each, two desks set next to them, complete with a pair of twin dressers. There’s an area for a living room and a dark bathroom visible through the cracked door off to the side. 

Hongjoong finds a smile on his face as he pictures late nights spent studying, sitting at the desk while he fills his head with knowledge. It’s a simple but comfortable space, one he instantly feels like he’d be able to make his own. 

“I thought it would be bigger.” His mom huffs, deflating his daydreams. 

“It’s big enough,” Hongjoong shrugs, “it’s nice. I like it.” 

In lieu of saying anything else, his mom walks around the perimeter of the room, inspecting various surfaces more closely, peeking her head in the bathroom and flicking the light on. Hongjoong leaves her to her search, moving forward to set his bags on the bed to the left of the room. He hopes his roommate won’t mind that he picked first, but he supposes he could always switch sides if need be. 

“Do you know who your roommate is?” His mom returns to his side, seemingly reading his mind.

“No, I’ll meet him sometime probably later today.” 

“Well I hope he’s not a bad influence. I warned you how a lot of these college kids can be.” His mom frowns. 

“I know mom, but it doesn’t matter, don’t worry. I’m just here to study.” Hongjoong assures her.

Hongjoong’s mom homeschooled him, opting to take control of his education herself, solidifying the close bond between the two of them. She taught him all of his lessons, decided every piece of information he learned, and shielded him from anything she deemed inappropriate. 

In addition, she took him to church every Sunday and youth study groups one to two nights during the week. He never once complained or felt his life was lacking, he was always content to socialize with the other kids and listen intently to the sermons. He’d been hesitant to go to college in the city, his mom explaining how other kids were raised differently than him, but he ultimately chose the best learning environment for his future. 

“Good. I trust you to make good decisions.” His mom nods.

Together they bring the remainder of his boxes inside, navigating the flurry of other freshmen hurrying back and forth in a similarly frantic manner. Hongjoong focuses on the tasks at hand as they come, his mind occupied with getting everything into his dorm room. Once they carry the final box in and close the door behind them, it dawns on Hongjoong that this is when his mom is supposed to leave, the realization twisting in his chest. 

His mom turns to face him, a small knowing smile on her lips, her eyes soft. 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Hongjoong tells her, the words heavy on his tongue with how inadequate they are to describe the terror filled hole already forming behind his lungs. 

“I know, I’ll miss you too, so much, but you can always call me, and you can come home at any time.” 

Hongjoong takes a deep breath, the reminders settling his nerves marginally. His mom pulls him into a hug, and he holds tightly onto her shirt as he hugs her back, breathing in the smell of home and letting himself enjoy her warmth a minute longer. 

“I love you mom.” He feels the temptation to beg her to take him home pull at his heart, but he buries the urge.

“I love you too sweetie, more than anything.” 

When his mom walks out the door, she takes comfort and familiarity with her, leaving him alone for the first time in his life, and as he stands in the middle of the still foreign room, he prays with everything in him that he isn’t making a huge mistake. 

  
  


He doesn’t have to wait much longer to meet his roommate, passing the time unpacking his boxes. He’s in the middle of setting up his desk, his bed already made, when the door swings open. Hongjoong stands to greet his new roommate, but pauses when he does. The boy that walks in, talking on the phone, is around Hongjoong’s height, black wavy hair falling over his forehead, his jeans ripped and a cropped jacket over his thin, toned frame.

Hongjoong doesn’t have time to be intimidated before the boy’s eyes meet his, and he offers him a wide, toothy grin, his eyes turned up, warming Hongjoong up to him immediately. Hongjoong returns his smile, but stays quiet, eyeing the phone still held up to his ear. He watches as the boy moves over to toss the duffle bag in his hand on the unoccupied bed before he tells whoever’s on the other end of the line to hold on a minute, his voice light.

“Hey, I’m Wooyoung.” He greets Hongjoong with a small wave, holding the phone away from his face. 

“Hi, I’m Hongjoong.” While Wooyoung seems perfectly friendly, Hongjoong can’t help but feel nervous under the sheer amount of confidence and energy Wooyoung’s exuding. 

The feeling doesn’t last long, however, as Wooyoung tells him he’ll see him later and takes his leave, walking back out the door. Hongjoong stares at the single duffel bag he’d left behind with a curious hum, wondering where he’s off to without unpacking any of his stuff. He shrugs and returns to his own things, supposing that as far as roommates go, he’s sure it could be a lot worse. 

That night Hongjoong calls his mom, laying on his bed with the satisfaction that he’d gotten everything done. 

“Are you excited to start your classes?” His mom asks, her voice providing a hint of comfort.

“Yeah, I got everything ready.” Hongjoong smiles. 

“Good, I’m really glad. So did you meet your roommate?” 

“Yeah, he stopped by a little while ago. He’s not here now.” Hongjoong reports.

“How is he, is he nice? Because you can always request to get a new roommate if he’s going to cause trouble for you.” 

Hongjoong chuckles at his mom’s protective nature, “I know, but I don’t think I’ll need to. He seems really nice, we didn’t talk a lot, but I think it’ll work out.” 

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” His mom relents, pausing. “And I just want you to know that you can always come to me with any questions or concerns you have. As your classes start, I’m sure there will be a lot of things that don’t make sense to you, and situations that are new and confusing, so I’m always here for whatever you need.” 

“I know, thank you mom.” 

“Do you remember how to get to the church we looked at online?” 

“Yeah, I do.” Hongjoong nods. 

“Good, let me know how the first service goes on Sunday.” His mom says, Hongjoong humming in agreement. 

They talk on the phone as the night flies by, discussing anything and everything. Hongjoong tells her about the classes he’s signed up for, fully aware that she already knows, having gone through the process with him step by step, advising him on which classes didn’t seem appropriate. That doesn’t stop him from ranting again about his excitement.

His mom suggests that Hongjoong gets some sleep when it’s late enough, and they hang up with promises to talk again the next day, his mom demanding to hear every detail. Hongjoong sighs once he’s off the phone, his head swimming with apprehension and excitement. As he clicks off the light and burrows under his covers, turning on his side as his eyelids start to fall, he sees Wooyoung’s bag still sitting untouched on the bare bed. 

  
  


The next couple of weeks are a blur to Hongjoong, as he gets accustomed to his classes, his workload, and living with someone other than his mom. Granted, Wooyoung doesn't make it hard on him, the other boy rarely even in the room. 

When he is, it's always pleasant, they'll chat and get to know each other piece by small piece, until Hongjoong needs to get back to his work, or Wooyoung is out the door again. It’s a learning curve for Hongjoong to adjust to having his phone and laptop so freely, his mom having always monitored his internet and social media use closely. It’s strange, the sudden freedom.

Hongjoong is typically up at all hours of the night ensuring he stays on top of his homework, and Wooyoung will come home in the middle of the night most nights, greeting Hongjoong before flopping down on his bed and passing out. Hongjoong couldn't miss the dark bruises littering his neck more often than not when he comes home, and he always turns away, his ears heating up at the implications, wondering how many girls he's been with. 

Some nights Wooyoung will strip off his shirt and toss it away before he crashes on the bed, and Hongjoong admires his physique every time, his toned muscles coupled with his charming features. He catches himself thinking if he were a girl, he would more than be able to see the appeal. 

The thing Hongjoong comes to learn about Wooyoung is that he's bold, he's talkative, easy to get along with, and he’s touchy. Hongjoong shies away from the arm he'll throw around his shoulder, or the casual hand on his arm while they talk. He hazards a guess that that's just how Wooyoung is, and he's okay with that, but he can't help but feel put off by the unfamiliar touches. 

Regardless, he's pleased with the relative closeness that develops between the two of them, and the comfortable routine that settles over them. 

His classes are tough, but he's persistent, and he's able to keep up with the help of many long nights. He calls his mom every evening, relaying his day and catching up, listening to her own updates, as well as ensuring her that he’s still attending church every Sunday, and during the week when he has the time, although that’s less often than he lets on to her. He feels content, happy, although curiosity always follows him as his eyes follow Wooyoung out the door, but he shrugs it off and focuses on his work. 

  
  


After yet another night of declining sleep to study for a test and perfect a paper, Hongjoong wakes up at his desk, groaning when his neck protests the movement as he lifts his head from the wood. He stretches, checking the time, figuring he has enough to finish this paper if he works on it all day.

He's pondering if a 10 minute power nap would truly be worth it when Wooyoung walks in the door, tossing his backpack in the corner of the room. 

“Hey Joong, did you fall asleep at your desk again?” 

Hongjoong winces, guilty, “How did you know?”

Wooyoung looks him up and down, “I mean no offense, but you look like shit.” 

Another aspect of Wooyoung that Hongjoong has to get used to is his swearing. It's not excessive, and Hongjoong knows it's normal for college kids to do, but it hasn't stopped being jarring to him nonetheless. 

“Why don't you just get some more sleep?” Wooyoung asks when Hongjoong doesn't reply. 

“I really have to finish this, I still have so much to do.” 

Hongjoong would never complain, he loves doing the work, especially when he keeps in mind the goals he's working towards, but feeling like he could drop unconscious at any minute isn't the most pleasant feeling, admittedly. 

“Okay, well do you want to get some coffee at least?” Wooyoung asks.

Hongjoong blinks at him, caught off guard by the sudden offer. He knows that Wooyoung is typically off with his friends or inevitably girlfriends, doing who knows what, and Hongjoong would never have thought himself particularly appealing or interesting for someone so social to hang out with. 

“Like- with you?” 

Wooyoung laughs, the sound airy, “Yes, with me.” 

“Oh, well I just, uh, I've never really.. drank coffee before.” Hongjoong trails off. 

“Oh really? Why not?” Wooyoung sounds surprised, but his question lacks judgment, which Hongjoong appreciates. 

“I guess I never really had a reason to. My mom never had it in the house, she said it's bad for you, and can lead to worse habits.” Hongjoong shrugs. 

Hongjoong had briefly explained to Wooyoung that he was raised by just his mom, homeschooled, in a religious house, but he guesses that the younger doesn’t completely grasp the extent and amount of things he’s been sheltered from and never had exposure to.

“Well I say that it's one of the major food groups for a college student. Especially one as hardworking as you.” 

Hongjoong feels his ears heat at the compliment. 

“You don't have to try it if you don't want to, of course. You just look exhausted, so I thought I'd offer.” Wooyoung adds. 

Hongjoong considers it, intrigued by the idea of spending more time with his usually otherwise entertained roommate, and he  _ does  _ feel like he can't even manage to keep his eyes open. 

“Sure, I'll go, can't hurt to try it, right?” 

Wooyoung smiles, “That’s the spirit!” He throws an arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders as they walk out the door together, and Hongjoong wonders why his approval lingers so pleasantly in his chest. 

The small coffee shop is busy when they walk in, filled with the somewhat early morning rush. The smell instantly fills Hongjoong’s senses, warm and addicting. He finds himself hoping whatever he gets tastes half as good as the smell. 

While they're waiting in line, Hongjoong glances up at the menu hanging over the counter, his eyes widening. Countless terms he doesn't recognize and endless options swim on the large board. He hears Wooyoung giggle next to him, and he turns to see him watching him with a smile. 

“Do you want help?” Wooyoung asks, amused. 

“Please. I have no idea what any of this means.” Hongjoong frowns as they take a step closer to the counter. 

“Okay, well do you usually like more sweet or more bitter things?” 

“Uh, sweet I guess?”

“Do you want something cold or warm?” 

Hongjoong pauses, considering the chilled Autumn air, “Warm.”

“Do you know what flavor you might like?” Wooyoung points out where the options are listed on the menu. 

“Bleh, anything but mint chocolate.” Hongjoong scowls, making Wooyoung laugh again. 

He ends up deciding on vanilla, something safe and classic, and Wooyoung helps him with the unique sizes, first ordering something similarly warm and sweet for himself. They stand aside while they wait, light chatter surrounding them. 

“So you said you’re majoring in business, right?” Wooyoung breaks the quiet between them. 

“Yep.” Hongjoong turns his attention towards the younger.

“What got you into that?” 

Hongjoong ponders the question, finding a limited amount of responses. 

“I guess I’ve just always been good with numbers and people, and it has a really good career outlook.” He hears his mom’s voice in his head as he recites the words she said to him. 

Wooyoung hums in understanding. Hongjoong senses he has more he wants to say, but doesn’t. 

“You’re a dancer right?” Hongjoong asks to steer the attention from himself. Wooyoung nods. “How long have you wanted to do that?” 

“Pretty much since I can remember.” Wooyoung pauses, thinking, “I took a ballet class as a kid, and I just fell in love with it. It came naturally to me, and it makes me feel confident. It’s a way for me to express myself, and there’s almost nothing more that I love than being on stage and performing.” 

Hongjoong smiles at the passion he can hear in Wooyoung’s voice, but it falls when the craving to feel that same passion about something crawls in and weighs him down. 

“That’s really cool.” He tells Wooyoung, hiding his sudden mood shift. It’s pointless anyways, he’s perfectly happy with the path he’s on, and he’s sure the feeling will pass. 

“Maybe I’ll show you what I can do sometime.” Wooyoung adds. 

Hongjoong is interested in seeing Wooyoung dance, curious about what it would be like. Since Wooyoung told him his major early on when they met, Hongjoong’s been coming to terms with the fact that boys can major in dance too. He’d always been taught that ballet and dance is something that should be reserved exclusively for girls. 

“Yeah sure, that would be cool.” He smiles for Wooyoung, digging himself out of his thoughts. 

Before their conversation can continue, their names are called and they get their drinks, leaving the cafe and walking back to their room. 

Hongjoong can’t keep his face from puckering when the hot liquid touches his tongue for the first time, frowning when Wooyoung laughs at him again. 

“It’s so bitter!” He cries, refusing to admit that he’s pouting.

“Yeah, I know. You get used to it.” Wooyoung pats his shoulder in solidarity. 

Despite the originally off putting taste, Hongjoong keeps going back to his cup for more, ending up drinking most of it before they’ve even crossed campus, starting to feel the energy thrum in his veins. He feels like he slept for hours, now more than prepared to work for the rest of the day. 

“Thank you for taking me there.” Hongjoong tells Wooyoung, grateful for the small gesture. 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad I could introduce you to this college life staple.” Wooyoung chuckles. 

They walk in comfortable silence for another few steps before Wooyoung speaks up again. 

“Oh yeah, I was going to have a few friends over tomorrow night for a movie night, is that okay?” 

Hongjoong’s surprised that Wooyoung hasn’t brought his friends over sooner, but he’s grateful his roommate is considerate enough to ask him first.

“Oh, yeah of course.” 

They get back to their room, and Hongjoong sits at his desk feeling refreshed, his mind more clear and eyes wide open. He wishes he’d tried drinking coffee sooner, he can already guess that it’ll be a life saver. Wooyoung leaves again, and Hongjoong waves him off with a smile. 

  
  


When the next night rolls around, Hongjoong has all but forgotten about Wooyoung’s question, until there’s a knock at the door. Hongjoong is at his desk, laptop open in front of him, while Wooyoung hops up from his bed where he’s been scrolling through his phone. Hongjoong hears multiple new voices offer greetings when Wooyoung opens the door, and he stands to meet his roommate’s friends. 

Hongjoong’s first thought when he sees the two new additions to the room is wondering if they all met through a modeling agency. The taller boy has black hair pushed back from his forehead, full lips pulled up in a wide smile boasting straight, white teeth, and the other has alarmingly pink hair, cat-eyes, and dimples that accompany his smile. They’re both looking at him expectantly, and he clears his throat, shaking himself out of his thoughts. 

“Hongjoong, this is San and Seonghwa.” Wooyoung gestures to each of them. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Seonghwa offers, his voice low and soothing. 

“Yeah, we’ve heard a lot about Wooyoung’s studious roommate.” San adds, Wooyoung smacking his arm and making him laugh. 

“It’s nice to meet you guys too.” Hongjoong’s smile is inevitably small and shy. 

“Are you watching the movie with us?” Seonghwa asks. 

Hongjoong feels the question pull at his heart, but the pile of homework he still has sitting on his desk overrides it.

“No, I have to do homework.” He says, his tone regrettable. 

“Oh okay, well maybe another time.” San answers, smiling. 

The three friends get settled on the couch while Hongjoong returns to his desk, pulling up his paper again. He stares at the screen while the trio talks on the other side of the room, laughing and teasing each other. They’re not being particularly rambunctious or rowdy, but Hongjoong still feels his eyes drawn to the group where they’re piled on the couch, forcing himself to turn back to his work with a frustrated huff every time. 

They end up ordering takeout, the smells making Hongjoong’s mouth water when the food arrives. They’d offered for Hongjoong to share it with them, but he’d again declined, aware that it would only be a slippery slope towards abandoning his work completely for the night. 

He sits for another few minutes, until their light laughter and the delectable aromas swirling through the room bribe him out of his chair, coaxing him to approach the couch hesitantly. 

“Maybe I could just have a bite.” He interjects, his voice low. 

The three of them cheer loudly, like they’ve overcome an enormous feat, before they move aside to make room for Hongjoong to join them. Hongjoong thinks that he’s never felt so easily and immediately accepted before, as the group asks him questions about himself and talks to him like they’ve known each other for years instead of one night. 

“So… are you going to watch the movie with us?” Seonghwa checks with Hongjoong again, testing if his answer has changed. 

Hongjoong pauses to think, eyes drifting back to his desk. Every fiber of his being craves staying right where he’s at and relaxing with his new friends and a movie, but his responsibilities are calling his name.

“Please, Joong?” Wooyoung pouts, and Hongjoong feels his resolve crumble away.

“Okay, okay.” He relents, rolling his eyes playfully. Wooyoung smiles, smug and clearly proud of himself, and Hongjoong doesn’t know how he could ever deny him and his pout anything. 

“Oh wait, but we were going to watch a horror movie, is that okay with you?” Wooyoung asks him. 

Hongjoong feels his heart spike, the thought of watching something that had always been so off limits to him his whole life almost frightening. 

“What, do you not like scary movies?” San asks, tilting his head. 

“I’ve just uh, never watched one before.” Hongjoong admits, seeing both San and Seonghwa’s eyebrows raise slightly.

“Oh. Well it’s up to you of course, but I think this is a pretty good first horror movie.” Seonghwa offers. 

“But it’s so scary!” San cries. 

“You think all of them are scary.” Seonghwa counters.

“They’re called  _ scary  _ movies for a reason, Hwa!” 

Hongjoong laughs at the pairs’ bickering, while Wooyoung diverts his attention to him again. 

“We can watch something else if you’re not comfortable with it. It’s okay, really.” Wooyoung’s expression is open, his voice low so only Hongjoong can hear it.

Hongjoong is once again taken aback by how considerate Wooyoung is, the softer side of him normally somewhat hidden by his teasing and outspoken exterior. Hongjoong doesn’t prefer one side of him over the other, but it’s touching to see Wooyoung so thoughtful of his feelings, while still wanting to include him. It further drives his desire to truly be Wooyoung’s friend, instead of the casual roommate relationship he’d expected when they first met.

“No, we can watch it, it’s okay.” Hongjoong decides. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I want to.” Hongjoong smiles. 

Wooyoung returns his smile and pulls up the movie, the four of them getting more comfortable as he presses play. Seonghwa shuts the lights off, the room plunged into darkness, and Hongjoong feels his pulse start to race during just the first few minutes of the movie. He’s enthralled by the new genre, the terror thrilling, and horrifyingly addicting, he finds. 

After jolting out of his seat for what feels like the hundredth time when a figure pops up on the screen, Hongjoong hides behind his hands, noticing with amusement that San is doing the same. As the movie continues, he sees San hide from the movie by pressing his face against Wooyoung’s neck, shielding himself from the fake threat with Wooyoung’s body. 

Hongjoong’s surprised by the blatant display of affection between the friends, the idea of two boys being so close completely foreign to him, but he supposes it’s normal for friends to do. When he thinks about it, he’s noticed the trio all being equivalently touchy throughout the night, and he’s torn between the impulse to deem it wrong and the craving to have the same level of closeness. It twists his head into knots of confusion, and he focuses instead on the vast amounts of gore on the tv, letting himself fall into the thrill of the chase between the main character and the villain. 

  
  


After their movie night, Hongjoong sees San and Seonghwa a lot more often. They'll randomly come over to watch more movies and play video games, or they'll all get coffee somewhere together. Hongjoong is beyond relieved that he seems to fit in with them, and he grows attached to the three rowdy boys. 

That's why, when Wooyoung begs Hongjoong to come with him to a party being thrown one weekend, Hongjoong struggles to come up with a reason not to. He's caught up on everything, and the thought of spending time with his friends is definitely inviting. Plus the signature pout that Wooyoung quickly learned Hongjoong can't resist, and uses to his full advantage. He doesn't make up his mind until the day of the party.

“Okay, fine. I'll go, but you know I don't drink, and I'm not going to.” Hongjoong points at Wooyoung in warning, the younger raising his hands in innocence. 

“That's totally fine. I'm so glad you're coming!” He claps, grinning. 

He launches into a rant regarding what Hongjoong can wear, and if he wants to borrow anything of his. Hongjoong tunes him out in favor of having a slight internal panic attack over the fact that in only a couple hours he's going to his first ever party that doesn't consist solely of other church kids and their parents. He reminds himself that he trusts Wooyoung, and he'll make sure he's okay. 

Despite Wooyoung’s suggestions, Hongjoong ends up dressed in a pair of plain black jeans, a t-shirt, and a dark jacket laid over it. He declines Wooyoung’s offer to do his makeup, the concept of men wearing makeup still rubbing him the wrong way, despite the way it brings out Wooyoung’s eyes and compliments his features, making him look even more dangerous. It's still wrong. 

The two of them get an Uber to the party together, Hongjoong tapping his leg nervously for the duration of the ride there. Wooyoung assured him that it'll be okay, that they'll have fun. Hongjoong takes a deep breath, releasing as many nerves as he can when he lets it out.

Those nerves return tenfold and dig their claws in to stay when Hongjoong steps out of the car and faces the house hosting the party. He hardly has any parties in movies to use as a reference, but he can't imagine the chaos before him is far from what's portrayed in the media. 

Wooyoung pulls him through the people spilling out onto the front lawn from the too full interior. Thumping music assaults Hongjoong’s ears and reverberates in his chest when they walk in, his eyes adjusting to the dark as a sea of people swarms before him. 

Smoke hangs in the air, the smell of alcohol and sweat accompanying it, and Hongjoong gulps, his throat feeling tighter. Wooyoung seems undeterred by the frenzy, continuing to guide Hongjoong through the crowd. 

They eventually find Seonghwa and another boy standing next to him, Hongjoong thinks he remembers Wooyoung saying his name is Yeosang, although he hasn’t talked to him much. 

“Where's San?” Wooyoung asks the pair, his eyes scanning the rest of the party for his friend. 

“I'm not sure, I thought he said he'd be here by now.” Seonghwa answers. 

“I'm gonna go look for him.” Wooyoung announces, checking that Hongjoong’s okay before scampering off. 

While the three remaining of them fall into easy conversation, their voices slightly raised over the music, Hongjoong’s attention is drawn to his surroundings. He sees couples kissing, hands wandering far too much to be decent in public, others grinding on each other, kids with red cups and bottles in their hands. He knows it's what's expected at a college party, but that doesn't stop the disapproval he feels burning through him. 

He refocuses on the conversation at hand, listening to Yeosang rant about one of his professors that assigns way too much homework in his opinion. He's able to relax marginally, interjecting his thoughts every so often and listening to his friends talk. While parties still aren't his scene, he's able to enjoy himself, talking and nodding along to the music. 

“Why am I not surprised.” Yeosang says suddenly. 

“Someone should really tell them to get a room.” Seonghwa adds.

Hongjoong follows their line of sight, freezing when he sees who they're referring to. Wooyoung found San, as he'd run off to do, and the pair are across the room, San crowding Wooyoung against the wall with their lips locked together, ravaging each other like they’re starving, tongues plunging into the other’s mouth while their hands pull each other closer.

Hongjoong feels shock course through him at the sight. It had never even crossed his mind that his roommate could be gay, and he was under the impression that him and San were just friends. 

While he doesn't like to think of himself as homophobic, it is a sin to be gay. He normally tries to keep his thoughts to himself, never wanting to cause trouble, but for his roommate and close friends to be gay, it doesn't sit right with him. 

He has to live with Wooyoung, he's around the two of them all the time. What if Wooyoung is attracted to him, or tries to make a move on him? Disgust runs through his veins, boiling hot. His eyes are glued to the pair, San now kissing down Wooyoung’s neck as the younger throws his head back, and Hongjoong wonders if disgust has always felt like a warm churning in his gut. 

Every feeling gives way to mortification when he looks down and sees the slight bulge growing in his jeans. He's… aroused? He'd only been watching Wooyoung and San, it doesn't make any sense. He feels too hot, like the air around him has dissipated and there's none left for him to breathe, the crowd pressing in around him.

“Hey, Joong, are you okay?” Seonghwa’s voice cuts through his near panic. 

“Um, y-yeah I’m fine. But I’m actually really tired, I think I’m just gonna go.” He starts backing away from his friends, itching with the need to distance himself from what’s happening. 

“Okay, are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Seonghwa’s concerned tone makes guilt pool inside Hongjoong, but not enough to keep him from escaping as quickly as possible. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll see you guys later, okay?” He sees Yeosang and Seonghwa’s confused and slightly concerned faces as they hesitantly wave him goodbye. 

He pushes his way through the crowd, his head spinning, rushing across campus to get home. When he’s finally in his room, leaning against the door once he closes it behind him, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He feels exhaustion seep through his mind and weigh down his body, the night wearing on him, and he shoves any and every thought out of his head as he crawls into his bed. Ignoring everything that happened tonight, he closes his eyes and lets sleep wash over him. 

  
  


When Hongjoong wakes up the next morning, Wooyoung’s bed is still empty, and it takes a minute for the events of the night before to come back to him. He finds himself dreading Wooyoung’s return, completely unsure how to face him now. He throws himself into his homework, occupying his racing mind with papers and assignments. It’s effective enough. 

When the door does finally open, Wooyoung strolling in the room, fresh hickies adorning his neck, Hongjoong cringes with the reminder that it was probably San that did that to him. He keeps his eyes trained on his laptop screen while Wooyoung shuffles around behind him. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Wooyoung asks, and Hongjoong turns to face him with an inward sigh. 

“I’m good.” Hongjoong’s answer is clipped in an attempt to end the conversation as soon as possible. He can’t even look at Wooyoung without his head flashing back to San’s lips crushed against his, and he averts his gaze. 

Wooyoung’s eyes are soft as he looks him over, “Are you sure? Seonghwa told me you were acting kind of weird when you left the party last night.” 

The gentle concern lacing Wooyoung’s words makes guilt tighten Hongjoong’s throat, but he can’t fight past the repulsed and muddled thoughts and feelings racing through him. He couldn’t force the truth past his lips if he tried.

“Yeah, I was just tired and wasn’t feeling the greatest, but I feel a lot better now.” Hongjoong tries for a smile, hoping it’s at all convincing.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure. But you know you can always talk to me if something’s bothering you, right?” Wooyoung asks. 

His genuine words and soothing voice digs the pit of shame in Hongjoong deeper. 

“I know, thank you.” Hongjoong doesn’t know how to grapple with his deeply held beliefs directly clashing with one of his closest relationships, and it makes his chest feel tight. 

After Wooyoung leaves the dorm again, Hongjoong simmers in his crisis, thoughts running wild, each one making him more confused than the last. 

He doesn’t want to think badly of Wooyoung or San, or gay people in general, really, but he can’t just shed years of homophobic teachings that have embedded themselves in his bones and mended with his own personal feelings, the two now indistinguishable. It creates an unpleasant mixture of disgust and guilt that seethes, scorching and painful. 

He thinks he would be able to come to terms with his friends being gay, if the situation weren’t only heigthened by the way Hongjoong’s body reacted to seeing his friends kissing. That’s the main thing that lingers like a poison in Hongjoong’s veins, depleting his sanity and dissolving any certainty in himself and his identity that he’d once had. 

He fights to come to terms with the new developments, but everything tumbles into further chaos when every time Hongjoong thinks of what he saw at the party, his dick stirs in his pants. The whole thing makes him feel immense self loathing tied together with confusion, topped with arousal that makes it difficult to discern much else. He tries to think through his concern over Wooyoung being gay, which leads him to think of him and San, which makes the heat start to coil in his stomach again, and the cycle continues. 

Days after the party, after Hongjoong’s chewed on every thought regarding the situation he can, Wooyoung leaves, telling him he won’t be back until the next day, and Hongjoong slumps against his chair when the door closes. He’s been pulled taut with tension since the party, his body aching for him to give into it’s urges. Left alone, with little other thoughts left in his head, he finally concedes. 

While masturbation is looked down upon at his church, he doesn’t think it’s an outright sin, and if it’s only with himself he reasons that it’s okay. He’d been able to avoid it his whole life, never searching out inappropriate pictures or videos, and ignoring any unprovoked erections until they wilted, but his restraint has run dry, and he’s left with an itch that demands to be scratched for the first time.

With a sigh, he moves to his bed, laying against his pillows and grabbing his phone and putting his ear buds in his ears. He stares at the search bar for far too long, no terms coming to mind that sound appealing. He ends up searching generic terms until graphic videos come up, startling him even though that’s what he’s looking for. He clicks on the first one, taking a deep breath as it starts playing. 

Of course he knows what sex entails, he has been taught very basic sex ed, but he’s never watched anything close to porn, never seen any movies with sexual scenes, so the more than explicit video playing in front of his eyes is an adjustment, the urge to close it and call the whole thing off growing with every second he feels like he’s doing something wrong and sinful. He continues, watching as the man in the video takes off what little clothes the girl is wearing.

He watches, unmoving, until the guy is fucking her, the camera focusing on her petite frame. Her high pitched moans fill Hongjoong’s ears, and he feels like he’s deflating, his body cold and dick notably uninterested. No matter how long he watches the on screen girl’s round boobs and feminine figure as the faceless man drill into her, it elicits no reaction from him, and he’s never felt more broken. 

He shuts off his phone and lets it fall to the bed with a groan, frustration burning through him as he heads back to his desk, abandoning his plan. He lays his head in his hands, fingers tugging at his hair as he screws his eyes shut. None of this is supposed to happen. He tries to continue his homework, desperate for a distraction from what he couldn’t manage to do. 

By the next day, his frustration has only grown to devastating heights, his arousal unmanageable, unavoidable, and, apparently, untreatable with what he thought is the most obvious solution. When he reaches his wits’ end, he decides that he only has one choice left to avoid descending into total hysteria. 

When he gets home from his classes and Wooyoung is slouched on the couch, the tv playing in front of him, Hongjoong figures this is as good a time as any. He sets down his backpack and approaches his roommate before he loses the sliver of courage he has. 

“Hey Woo, can I talk to you for a minute?” Hongjoong asks, his voice quieter than he means for it to be. 

“Yeah, of course.” Wooyoung clicks off the tv and turns towards Hongjoong as he sits down next to him. 

“Um, well first of all, I wanted to tell you the real reason I left that party so suddenly.” Hongjoong starts, Wooyoung nodding, listening intently. “I saw you and San kissing, and I- I was surprised, I guess. I never thought about you being gay before, and I guess I kind of just panicked.” 

“Do you have a problem with me being gay?” Wooyoung asks, and Hongjoong can sense the defensive walls being built around him. 

“No, no. I mean it was hard at first, since it is against my religion, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a good person, and I still want to be your friend.” Hongjoong voices the only semblance of a conclusion he’d been able to come to in his endless stream of consciousness and consideration of the situation.

“Oh, okay then. Is that all you wanted to talk about?” Wooyoung seems relatively placated, but Hongjoong knows him well enough to hear the hints of caution still remaining. 

“No, I wanted to talk to you about a problem I’ve been having, and I’m wondering if you could help.” Hongjoong pauses, Wooyoung still watching him with an open expression, and he has to look away to continue, nearly holding his breath, “Ever since I saw you and San kissing, every time I think about it I get… aroused.” He feels his cheeks heat as he forces the words out.

Wooyoung blinks at him blankly, his eyebrows turned down in confusion. “Uh, okay… so what’s the problem?” 

“Well I don’t know what to do, when I’m aroused.” 

Wooyoung manages to look even more bewildered, watching Hongjoong like he expects him to tell him this is all just a big joke at any minute, which he honestly doesn’t blame him for. 

“You, just… jerk off?” Wooyoung speaks slowly, clearly confused why he’s explaining this. 

Hongjoong feels irritation nip at him, although he knows it’s not Wooyoung’s fault. “Yeah, I know, but I tried to for the first time, and it didn’t work, nothing like… happened.” He gestures vaguely towards his pants.

“Wait hold on, what do you mean you tried to for the first time?” Wooyoung’s looking at Hongjoong like he just grew another head. 

“I’ve never, um, masturbated before.” Hongjoong mumbles, his blush spreading. 

“You’ve never- why not!?” 

“It was always discouraged in my church. We’re not supposed to look at porn, sex out of marriage isn’t allowed, and we’re taught to remain sexually abstinent, even from ourselves, so I never had a reason to.” Hongjoong explains. It had always sounded so normal when his pastors taught it, but relaying the message to Wooyoung sounds somewhat strange, even to him. 

“Okay…” Wooyoung pauses to process Hongjoong’s words, “But now, you want to, because you’ve been horny, but it didn’t work?” 

“Yeah, I found a porn video and everything, but it just made me more frustrated so I gave up, and now I don’t know what to do, but it’s been driving me crazy.” Hongjoong rants. 

Wooyoung’s features shift into something knowing, something almost understanding. “What kind of video did you watch?” 

“Oh, uh, I don’t know.. It was just some guy and some girl.” Hongjoong shrugs, unsure how the question is relevant to his problem.

“So you watched straight porn?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” 

Wooyoung seems to think over his words before he speaks, “Hongjoong, if you got aroused watching me and San, did you ever think that you should try to watch gay porn when you jerk off?” 

Hongjoong had somehow avoided thinking about the option, the thought too far over the line. 

“I- no. I can’t.” 

“Why not?” Wooyoung asks. 

“I’m not even supposed to watch porn at all. Watching gay porn is- it’s just too far. ” Hongjoong feels frustration bubble up his throat, overwhelming everything. 

Wooyoung answers carefully, as to not spook Hongjoong, “While I respect your religion, I also think that you should let yourself explore, and find out who you are. Masturbating is healthy and normal, and to deny yourself that because you have to watch two guys instead of a guy and a girl just doesn’t make a lot of sense, to me anyways.” 

“But I don’t know how to not hate myself if I do that, how to not feel disgusting.” Hongjoong doesn’t miss the sadness that dips into Wooyoung’s eyes. 

“While I was never as religious as you, I was raised in the church too, and I dealt with the same thing you’re dealing with now.” Wooyoung explains, surprising Hongjoong, given how sure of himself his roommate has always seemed, “I think the most important thing I could tell you is that no matter what, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not something you have any control over, it’s not hurting anyone, and you should be accepted for who you are, by everyone in your life, including yourself.” He speaks with so much conviction, it digs warmly into Hongjoong’s heart.

“You don’t think I’ll go to Hell?” Hongjoong nearly whispers his deepest fear. 

Wooyoung’s small smile is still tainted with sadness, “No, I don’t. Since I met you, the one thing that’s been clear is that you’re an amazing person, and that won’t change, even if you’re gay.” 

Hongjoong’s instinct is to recoil from the label, as it drives shame into him, but he ignores his initial reaction in favor of the feeling of weight falling from his shoulders, of feeling like he can breathe a little easier. 

“Okay, thank you Woo, really.” 

Wooyoung smiles again, closer to the bright grin that Hongjoong’s grown addicted to. “You’re welcome. And if you ever need to talk some more, you know I’m here for you.”

“I know.” Hongjoong smiles, starting to stand from the couch. 

“Oh and Joong?” Wooyoung asks, Hongjoong humming in response, “If you do decide to try it again, go slow, don’t try to rush through it. Just learn your body and what feels good to you, and here,” He stands, going to his bedside table and rummaging through it before returning, “it helps, trust me.” He throws a small bottle filled with clear liquid to Hongjoong.

“T-thanks.” Hongjoong knows his ears and cheeks are tinged pink again.

Wooyoung giggles at his shy reaction, “You’re cute.” 

Hongjoong feels butterflies flutter in his stomach at the compliment that he’s never gotten before. He’d been concerned that Wooyoung would be attracted to him or make a move on him, but now, he finds that Wooyoung’s approval settles pleasantly in him, and he knows that that’s just how Wooyoung is with his close friends. He eventually goes over to his desk, letting Wooyoung get back to whatever he’d been watching, and he smiles to himself, feeling weightless with relief and giddy with anticipation. 

  
  


His conversation with Wooyoung plays in his head constantly over the next couple days, and with his friend’s encouraging words staving off the shameful feelings, Hongjoong decides to try again on another night when Wooyoung leaves, the ever present tension reaching a boiling point.

He slips off his sweatpants and lays on his bed, deciding to pull his shirt off after thinking about it, tossing it on the floor. Laying against his pillows, ear buds in his ears and phone in hand, he feels a sense of deja vu overcome him, followed by nerves racing through him that it still won’t work, that something really is wrong with him. His hands shake slightly as he types in the search bar for something to watch. 

He clicks on a simple seeming video, two attractive guys naked and kissing in the thumbnail. As it starts, he cringes at the cheesy dialogue between the two guys, but any discomfort is quickly smoothed over when they start kissing, tongues searching as they pull off each other’s clothes and lay down on the large bed. 

Every inch of tan skin and firm muscle that’s revealed, every slide of their lips against each other, drives heat into Hongjoong, his stomach churning with undeniable arousal. The moans escaping from the men on screen go straight to Hongjoong’s dick, which is twitching in interest, a bulge forming. He goes to pull off his boxers, but he remembers what Wooyoung said, and he pauses. 

He instead lets his hand wander over his chest, fingers tickling his heated skin. He stills when he runs his hand over one of his nipples, the feeling jolting, and he rubs over the nub, feeling it harden under his touch. He pinches it between his fingers, humming when it spikes warmth through him. He feels guilt drag him down as the realization of what he’s finally doing hits him, but he can’t bring himself to stop as he falls further down into the waves of pleasure.

He plays with the other nipple, biting his lip, his cock stirring in his boxers. His attention is brought from himself back to the video when he hears wet, gagging sounds, his eyes widening as he sees one of the guys on his knees, looking up through his eyelashes and choking on the cock stuffed down his throat by the other as an endless stream of praise and moans falls from his lips, thrusting into his partner’s mouth. 

The deep groans make Hongjoong’s cock throb, and he lets his hand wander down towards it. He gasps when he finally cups himself through his boxers, the feeling electric even through the fabric. He rubs over his shaft, his mouth hanging open with the hint of attention to his neglected dick. When the guy on screen flips the other on the bed, spreading his cheeks and shoving his tongue in his hole, making the other cry out in pleasure, Hongjoong’s can’t keep from pushing his boxers down, his swollen cock springing free. 

When he wraps his hand around himself, a deep moan rips from his chest, his fist hot, making his hips buck up into it, chasing the delicious sparks that lick up his spine. The feeling of his hand around his dick is foreign to him, every toe curling sensation new, his body on fire with how his nerves light up every time he strokes himself. He would’ve been doing this for years if he knew how good it feels.

When his hand speeds up, chasing the edge he can feel himself nearing, the dry burn stops him. He reaches over and grabs the bottle that Wooyoung gave him, pouring a small amount onto his fingers, startled by how cold and slick it is. He pours some more and sets the bottle aside. When he puts his hand on himself again, he hisses, but after it warms up, everything is wet and slick as he fucks into his fist, moaning with the heavenly feeling. 

By now the man in the video has his cock stuffed in the other’s hole, making him scream. Hongjoong would wonder if it really feels that good, were it not for his head swimming with a cloud of arousal and pleasure. His body burns from the inside out, all consuming, as he watches the man on screen get fucked into the mattress, his hand pumping himself quickly, twisting his wrist in the way he quickly learned feels deliriously good. 

He drops his phone onto his bed to bring his other hand back up, pinching his nipples, the coil pulled through him unraveling, the tension close to snapping. The wet sounds of his hand moving over his cock fill the room, along with his low moans, and his orgasm crashes into him at full force, making him cry out, ripping white hot pleasure through him, boiling in his veins as his vision blanks. He pumps himself through it, his chest heaving, gasping when he slumps against the bed, pausing the video. 

He lays unmoving, panting, as remnants of heat curl through his body. He feels tired, limbs heavy, his hand covered in ropes of white. When his breathing returns to normal he climbs out of bed and walks to the bathroom on wobbly legs. As he washes his hands, his head plays over what he just did. He’s relieved at the lack of guilt that he feels, undoubtedly covered by the sheer pleasure that he allowed himself to feel for the first time. 

  
  


In the days that follow, Hongjoong takes any opportunity he can to get himself off. He knows he’s acting like a boy just going through puberty, but he’d never been able to explore himself in that way before, always under his mom’s watchful eye, and now that he’s had a taste, he can’t get enough.

Eventually the guilt does catch up to him, tight around his chest and blocking his throat when he thinks about how disgusted and disappointed his mom and church leaders would be if they knew what he’s doing. It makes him want to stop for good on multiple occasions, but then he’ll feel the now familiar heat twist in his gut again, and he suddenly can’t remember a single reason not to tug his pants down and make himself see stars. He reminds himself of what Wooyoung said, that he’s not a bad person, and it’s enough for him to feel content. 

  
  


He’s elated when Wooyoung announces that he wants to have San and Seonghwa over for another movie night. Hongjoong hasn’t seen them since the night of the party, all of them busy with classes, and he wants to make up for leaving them the way he did. Also, a relaxing movie night after the turmoil that has been his thoughts the last few days sounds more than appealing. 

The room is doused in energy when their friends get there, all of them excited as they greet each other. They first order pizza, catching up on their classes and lives while they wait, and then quickly devouring the mountain of food when it arrives. Hongjoong notices San’s eyes trailing after Wooyoung throughout the night, the two roughhousing and making Hongjoong and Seonghwa laugh at their antics. 

Seonghwa had told Hongjoong that the pair aren’t dating when he’d asked, Hongjoong initially having to jump the hurdle of accepting that not only are his friends probably having sex outside of marriage, but also casual sex. Hongjoong was thoroughly surprised when Seonghwa shared that he’s done sexual things with both San and Wooyoung as well, even though the trio still remains only friends with each other. The concept was unheard of to Hongjoong, but he eventually accepted that it’s a system that works for them, and it doesn’t hurt anyone. 

He ends up spending a lot of time with Seonghwa as the night continues, which he has no problems with. He enjoys talking to the older, comfortable in his calm presence, while they watch San and Wooyoung challenge each other to Mario Kart, resulting in copious amounts of yelling and whining on Wooyoung’s part that San placates with hugs.

When they sit down to watch a movie, Hongjoong ends up next to Wooyoung. Somehow they end up watching a horror movie again, and Hongjoong feels no more accustomed to the terrifying genre. As the movie plays, he presses closer to Wooyoung, hiding behind his hands again and turning towards the younger. 

Despite the thrilling noises filtering through the tv, Hongjoong’s soothed by Wooyoung’s warmth and the quiet sounds of his friends commenting on the movie, his days of long nights catching up with him. He doesn’t realize when he starts to fall asleep, nodding off periodically. With a low chuckle, Wooyoung guides his head to his shoulder, letting him slump against his side, and he’s out like a light. 

The next morning he wakes up in his bed, disoriented when the last thing he remembers is San and Seonghwa being there and the movie still playing. He looks over, Wooyoung’s bed empty, and he vaguely recalls the feeling of Wooyoung helping him to his bed through the darkness, his eyes refusing to open. 

When he goes to stand, his class starting soon, he sees a cup on his bedside table. It’s from the cafe Wooyoung had taken him to, and there’s a note attached, Wooyoung’s name signed, the gesture making Hongjoong feel choked up with appreciation. He sends a thank you text to his friend as he gets ready for the day, a smile stuck on his face.

  
  


That night Hongjoong is lounging on his bed, scrolling on his phone, while Wooyoung is sitting shirtless at his desk typing on his laptop, something that Hongjoong doesn’t see him do all that often. His eyes are drooping closed, his head falling to the side, when Wooyoung turns to talk to him. 

“So what happened after our conversation the other day?” 

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong’s sleep muddled brain can’t seem to discern what Wooyoung’s referring to. 

“I mean did you ever get yourself off?” Wooyoung clarifies, Hongjoong’s eyes widening at his boldness. 

Hongjoong learned early on that Wooyoung is an open book in all aspects of his life, and it’s no different when it comes to sex. He’s appreciative that he’s so willing to help him and talk openly with him, but it’s still an adjustment. 

“Oh, uh yeah, I did. Your advice was really helpful, thank you.” 

“So did you watch gay porn then?” Wooyoung asks, and Hongjoong thinks he should feel like his friend’s question is too invasive, but he sees only genuine curiosity in his eyes, and he finds he doesn’t mind sharing. 

“Yeah I did.” He shrugs, Wooyoung’s nonchalance rubbing off on him, “It worked, but I still never really know what to search for or watch though.” 

Wooyoung’s eyes light up, almost mischievous in their sparkle, “Oh well why didn’t you tell me!? I definitely have a couple suggestions I could make based on what you like.” He pauses to think, “I can just- well… here come on, I’ll just show you for next time.” 

He stands from his desk, bringing his laptop with him, and sits on his bed, leaning his back against the wall. When Hongjoong doesn’t move he waves him over, patting the spot on the bed next to him. Hongjoong hesitates before standing, unsure where his roommate is going with this, but mirroring Wooyoung nonetheless, the laptop set on the bed between them. 

“Okay I’ll just start with one of my favorites.” Wooyoung comments like he’s discussing the weather and not porn. 

Hongjoong only realizes what Wooyoung meant when he said he’d just show him as the younger types into the search bar, clicking confidently through the pages until he ends up at a video. Before he can press the play button Hongjoong stops him. 

“Wait we’re going to watch it like, together?” His eyes flit from Wooyoung to the screen with uncertainty. 

“I mean yeah, just for a couple minutes. If you like it then you’ll know how to find it for next time.” Wooyoung answers like it’s the most simple thing in the world. 

Hongjoong, having no reason not to comply but pure shock, nods and focuses on the screen as Wooyoung presses play. 

When the video starts, Hongjoong can tell why it’s one of Wooyoung’s favorites. There’s quality in the production, meaning it doesn’t take away from the video itself, the guys are hot, their chemistry palpable, and their loud, low moans addicting. There’s no unrealistic outlandish acts or dialogue, just the two of them crying out with sheer pleasure. 

When one of them shoves his hand down the other’s pants, their lips locked together and tongues down the other’s throat, Hongjoong can’t deny the stir in his own pants anymore. It’s overlaid by mortification, with Wooyoung less than a foot away from him as his cock hardens. He squirms where he’s sitting, trying to angle himself away from his friend, but it only serves to draw attention to himself. He hopes Wooyoung won’t notice, but he guesses if his barely hidden bulge doesn’t give it away, his flushed cheeks will. 

“Are you hard?” Wooyoung asks, and Hongjoong winces. He can’t manage to form words as he refuses to look at Wooyoung or respond. 

“It’s okay, you know. It’s really hot, right?” Hongjoong looks at Wooyoung as the corner of his lips turns up in a knowing smile. Hongjoong nods. 

“Well I can leave you alone so you can take care of that,” he nods his head down towards Hongjoong’s pants, “or, we could just jerk off together?” 

Hongjoong freezes, his eyes blown wide, panic and intrigue battling over which is the cause of the tightness in his chest. 

“We don’t have to,” Wooyoung backtracks at Hongjoong’s reaction, “but I promise it’s not a big deal or anything. Guys do it all the time.” 

Hongjoong pauses, eyeing Wooyoung warily, taking in his indifference. He really does mean it as just two guys getting off together, and while the thought of doing something with anyone in general, but especially another guy, makes self loathing burn hot up Hongjoong’s throat, he reasons that he’s not actually  _ doing  _ anything with him. The offer is inviting, and Hongjoong’s still hard dick doesn’t leave much room for decision making.

“It’s just a normal thing for friends to do?” He checks.

“Yeah definitely. I’ve done it with San and Seonghwa plenty of times.” 

While the visual and open admittance is slightly overwhelming, it does help tide his panic. “O-okay, we can do it.” 

Wooyoung’s eyebrows shoot up, “Really? I mean okay, cool. Just let me know if you want to stop at any point.” He reaches over, grabbing a small bottle of lube before sitting back down. 

Hongjoong nods, and they both turn their attention back to the screen. He struggles to pay attention to the video still playing, fixed in place with the knowledge of what he just agreed to do, and clueless how to do it. He holds his breath, doing his best to push his thoughts aside and focus on the way the guy on screen moans as the other thrusts his fingers into him. When he hears rustling next to him, he looks over without thinking.

His stomach turns to lead, heart racing when he sees Wooyoung tugging his sweatpants and boxers down his thighs, his cock springing free against his stomach. Hongjoong’s mouth feels sandpaper dry, Wooyoung’s honey skin stretching out for miles. He licks his lips as Wooyoung takes his cock in his hand, lazily stroking himself. Hongjoong feels like he’s on fire as he turns to face the screen again with a gulp, his own cock aching in his pants, but he can’t make his hands move. 

“Shy?” Wooyoung chuckles, eyeing Hongjoong with amusement.

“I- I…” Hongjoong trails off, all thought dissolved by the way Wooyoung’s hand is wrapped around himself, his thumb toying with the head, breathing heavily. 

“Just relax. Pretend I’m not here, and do what you would normally do on your own.” Wooyoung instructs.

Hongjoong takes a deep breath, letting the warmth spread through his veins, bringing his hand up to palm himself through his sweatpants. The light touch makes him gasp, craving more, and he slips his hand under his waistband, skin heated as he grips his cock. Biting his lip, he pushes his pants down before grabbing the clear bottle, dripping some onto his fingers and spreading it over his shaft. 

Sitting next to his roommate, both of their dicks out, gay porn filtering through Wooyoung’s laptop speakers, is utterly surreal, but the feeling of thrusting up into his wet fist, glancing at Wooyoung doing the same, builds his arousal quickly, spiking his pleasure and melting his bones. He drops his head back, listening to his moans mix with Wooyoung’s. 

When he feels the familiar tug in his gut, gasps falling from his lips, he all but abandons the video in front of him to glance sideways and watch Wooyoung. His eyes trail from his lips, parted in pleasure, to his toned chest, skin golden and glistening, to his hand pumping his swollen cock, speeding up as he chases his orgasm.

Hongjoong cries out, stomach boiling as he comes over his fist, the feeling heightened by Wooyoung’s deep groans, his hips twitching. Hongjoong can’t look away as Wooyoung spills over his stomach, his chest heaving.

Once the hum in Hongjoong’s veins lulls, his senses return to him with the knowledge that his pants are still half way down his thighs, his dick softening, and come covering his hand. His cheeks heat when Wooyoung hands him tissues to clean himself up with. 

“That was fun.” Wooyoung comments while he tucks himself back into his pants. 

Hongjoong’s still working through the aftermath of the fact that he just got off with one of his best friends as he pulls his sweatpants up. 

“Are you okay?” Wooyoung asks, standing and turning towards him.

Hongjoong looks up at Wooyoung, takes in his messy hair and flushed cheeks, the concerned expression in his eyes as he checks that he’s alright. Any inner turmoil is settled by the trust he feels rush through him, how open Wooyoung is with him, the way he’s willing to help him learn and explore himself. Hongjoong has no need to be embarrassed around him, and a smile tugs at his lips. 

“Yeah, I’m okay, just needed a minute. But I liked that though.” 

“Good, I’m glad.” Wooyoung returns his smile, “Let me know if you want to do it again.” 

Promising anticipation bubbles in Hongjoong’s stomach at the aspect of a second time, and he nods, getting off of Wooyoung’s bed. He walks the short distance to his desk, his legs wobbly, body still shaken with the ograsm that was more satisfying, despite the fact that it was still only his own hand. 

“Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you something.” Wooyoung says while Hongjoong sits down in his chair. He turns to look at the younger, who’s now laying on his bed against his pillows. 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

“This weekend I have a dance performance, we’ve been practicing for it for weeks, and I wanted to know if you’d want to come. Sannie is in it, and Seonghwa’s coming to watch too.”

Despite his previous hesitations regarding male dancers, Hongjoong has been eager to see his friend dance. 

“Yeah of course, I wouldn’t miss it.” He tells Wooyoung, who beams. 

They both return to their own respective activities, the room blanketed with comfortable silence, and Hongjoong feels pleasantly content, a lack of shame invading his mind. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and the irritating itch of arousal under his skin is absent. He sighs happily, able to focus on his homework, feeling like he’s now that much closer to his roommate and best friend. 

  
  


On the night of the performance, Hongjoong stands in front of his dresser and hanging shirts, has been for far too long while he tries to decide what to wear. The decision should be an easy one, he should just pull on the same plain shirt and slacks he always wears, but something makes him pause. He has a couple of patterned shirts, soft silk button ups, that he hasn’t had the courage to wear since he bought them on a whim. 

Wooyoung left the room long ago, needing to arrive early, and Hongjoong needs to follow soon if he wants to be on time. Hearing Wooyoung’s encouraging voice in his head, telling him who cares what anyone else thinks, telling him he looks hot and probably complimenting his ass, he tugs one of the silk shirts off its hanger, grabbing a pair of tight black pants at the same time. He undresses and pulls the outfit on before he can talk himself out of it. 

Looking in the mirror, Hongjoong fights the urge to change immediately, and once he gets past the initial discomfort, he’s proud of the way he looks. He styles his hair, pushing it back, and deems himself ready. Leaving his dorm, cold wind bites at his cheeks, but the walk to the performance building is short, streams of people filtering through the brightly lit doors. He shuffles through the crowd once he’s in the building, eyes scanning the large auditorium until they land on a familiar head of black hair. 

Squeezing and apologizing his way through, he flops into his seat with a huff, Seonghwa’s head turning towards him.

“Hey, you made it.” Seonghwa smiles in greeting. 

“Yeah, there are a lot of people here!” Hongjoong looks around him with wide eyes at the sea of bodies. 

“This is one of their biggest performances of the year.” Seonghwa agrees with a nod. 

“Well I’m glad I’m here then.” 

“So you’ve never seen Wooyoung dance before then?” 

“Nope, never. Is he any good?” Hongjoong teases. 

“He’s incredible.” Seonghwa surprises Hongjoong with his serious response, “It’s like he was born to do it, I always tell him he’s going to be famous someday. San too, they’re both amazing, they have so much passion.”

“Wow, I can’t wait to see it!” Hongjoong shifts in his seat, suddenly impatient. A quiet lull falls over the pair, the murmurs of the crowd filling the space. 

“So you’re majoring in business, right?” Seonghwa asks. 

“Oh, yeah.” Hongjoong agrees flatly. 

Seonghwa looks at him, and doesn’t ask for any more details, sensing that Hongjoong has no further comment on his major. 

“What else are you interested in?” He switches gears, making Hongjoong grateful.

“Well I like fashion, I guess, and sometimes I’ve thought about music, and like, producing it, but I’ve never been able to actually try it or anything besides writing a couple songs.” 

Seonghwa’s features shift with surprise, “Huh, I wouldn't have thought you’d be interested in fashion.” He pauses, “I mean not that you don’t always look great- uh, or… shit, I’m sorry.” 

Hongjoong chuckles at the always composed Seonghwa flustered and tripping over his words, “It’s okay, I know what you mean. I’ve never really experimented personally, or with anyone else, but uh, I want to.” 

“Well maybe you can try out some more stuff in the future.” Seonghwa suggests, “I really like this.” He pinches Hongjoong’s shirt over his shoulder, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers before letting it go. 

Hongjoong blushes, glad that he chose to push his wardrobe ever so slightly. “Thanks.” He looks down at his lap, smiling. 

“And you write songs, that’s really cool.” Seonghwa adds. 

“Yeah I guess. I love doing it, but they’re  _ really _ bad though.” Hongjoong shrugs. 

“I’m sure they aren’t.” Seonghwa argues. “Would you ever want to major in music or design?” 

Hongjoong’s face falls. He’d never questioned his choice in major, his mom’s approval written all over it, but recently his head’s been wandering to other possibilities. He shuts the thoughts and the guilt that accompanies them down immediately every time.

“No, I don’t think so.. my mom- er uh, I mean, I’m happy with business.” 

The corners of Seonghwa’s mouth turn down, but he doesn’t press the issue further, to Hongjoong’s relief. He trusts Seonghwa, but he’s reluctant to dive into his family history and complicated past. 

“What are you majoring in again?” Hongjoong asks, desperate for a change of subject.

“I’m majoring in psychology.” 

“Wow, what got you into that?” 

“Well I’ve always wanted to help people, so I’m going to use it to go into social work.” Seonghwa explains. 

Hongjoong counts himself thoroughly impressed by Seonghwa and his selflessness. He opens his mouth to respond, but any further conversation is cut short by the lights in the auditorium dimming and the crowd falling silent. Hongjoong shoots Seonghwa an apologetic look, Seonghwa offering a reassuring smile in return before they face forward.

When the first dancer steps on stage, Hongjoong quiets his thoughts to watch. As he expected, a majority of the performers are girls, and Hongjoong enjoys watching their routines, graceful and practiced. 

He perks up when Wooyoung walks on stage next, taking his place in the middle of it. The music starts, and Wooyoung moves with it, captivating Hongjoong from the first step. It’s like Wooyoung conducts the music, every movement demanding attention, and Hongjoong feels choked up with awe at his roommate’s raw skill. His flowing shirt, bright makeup, and elegance radiate beauty, and Hongjoong feels enamored, like he never wants the dance to end. 

When Wooyoung finishes, standing under the spotlight, breathing heavily, Hongjoong wishes he could take back every ignorant thought he’s ever had about male dancers. Wooyoung took his breath away, every bit as deserving to be on the stage as any of the female dancers. Hongjoong hardly has time to regret his past uneducated opinion, San taking Wooyoung’s place on the stage.

Seonghwa wasn’t lying when he said San was just as talented as Wooyoung, he balances power and delicacy in a hypnotizing display of discipline and strength. Hongjoong can’t imagine him and Wooyoung being anything but performers, and his head echoes Seonghwa’s previous words; they were born to be on stage.

The performance comes to a close soon after San dances, and Hongjoong’s left nearly speechless. He never knew how much he’d enjoy watching his friends dance, and he vows to do it more often, to support them every step of the way, because they deserve it. He stands with the rest of the crowd when the lights flick on, rushing to find San and Wooyoung, tugging Seonghwa behind him.

After passing by family and friends reuniting, filled with hugging and laughing and flower gifting, they finally find who they’re looking for. San and Wooyoung are talking to each other, wide smiles on their faces, sweat still stuck to their skin. They’re both glowing. 

“Oh my god, you guys did so amazing!” Hongjoong cries, walking up to the pair. 

He doesn’t have time to dwell on the fact that he cursed for the first time in his life and he would normally be concerned about the lack of alarm that brings him, but he’s too caught up in their talking that ends up more in shrieking about their successful performances. 

When their greetings are done, Seonghwa insists that they go out for celebratory dinner, and San and Wooyoung wouldn’t pass up a free meal. They walk across campus, warm in each other’s company despite the cold night, ending up at a small restaurant that’s frequented by students, known for its addicting flavors. 

The food is delicious, and their conversation is even better, the energetic atmosphere making Hongjoong feel light as they eat and laugh together. He hasn’t had a better night in a long time, and he’s filled with gratitude that he’d managed to find such a great group of friends. He knows his mom would never approve of them, but he pointedly doesn’t entertain that thought. He focuses instead on enjoying the rest of the night, and when he falls into bed later, Wooyoung doing the same in his own bed across from him, he thinks that he couldn’t wish for a better roommate. 

  
  


Hongjoong’s kept up his weekly phone calls with his mom, and he’s ecstatic when she suggests driving back to have dinner with him the coming weekend while they’re on the phone. He agrees with excitement, and they hang up with a newly formed plan for when she’ll come down. The days before pass by quickly, and before Hongjoong knows it he’s walking through campus to the nearby restaurant they’d agreed to meet at.

When he walks in, the mouth watering smells of food meeting him, he spots his mom easily as she waves him over, a wide smile on her face. She stands to give him a warm hug, Hongjoong letting it linger for a couple moments, relaxing into the familiar embrace before they part and sit down.

“How was the drive?” Hongjoong asks. 

“It actually wasn’t too bad.” 

“I still feel bad that you drove all the way here just for an afternoon.” 

“Don’t feel bad, it’s more than worth it to get to spend this time with you.” His mom’s small smile is genuine, reaching her eyes, “I wish I could visit more often.” 

“Well I’m glad you’re here now.” 

They pause, both of them scanning over the menu. They give the waiter their orders when he comes by, handing off their menus as he moves to turn away.

“Oh, and can I get a cup of coffee please?” Hongjoong adds. 

“Of course, I’ll get that right out to you.” The waiter smiles. 

Hongjoong sips his water absentmindedly as he waits, and soon there’s a steaming cup of coffee in front of him, the warm smell reaching his nose. He adds a generous amount of cream before taking a drink, the hot bitterness now pleasant on his tongue.

“Since when do you drink coffee?” His mom asks. 

“Oh uh, Wooyoung took me to try it, and I liked it. It really helps with long nights.” Hongjoong tries to explain, his voice sheepish. 

His mom hums, sounding less than approving, “How is Wooyoung?” 

Hongjoong caught his mom up on his roommate’s name soon after he moved in, but that’s where the information stopped. He’d been hesitant to share anything about Wooyoung or the rest of their little friend group with her, when he was still unsure of everything himself. 

“He’s good. We’ve both been busy.” 

“What does he study?” 

Hongjoong had previously avoided the topic of Wooyoung’s major with his mom, but now he can’t feel anything but proud of his friend and his talent, how hard he works for his passion.

“He’s a dance major.” 

His mom’s face falls, her mouth pulling down in a frown.

“So he does hip hop?” 

“No, he does contemporary and ballet.” 

“They let boys dance ballet here?” His mom’s frown deepens, “I wish I would’ve known that before we got you enrolled.” She adds under her breath.

“No, he’s actually really talented. I went to one of his performances the other day, and it was so beautiful. Our friend San dances too.” 

“You don’t have any friends in your major?” 

“No, I guess not.” Hongjoong shrugs, “But our other friend Seonghwa is studying psychology, so that’s kind of close.” 

“Well it definitely seems like you have the most…  _ practical  _ major among your friends.” His mom’s smile grows tight. 

Their conversation is paused when the waiter returns, placing plates in front of them before leaving again. As Hongjoong digs into his meal he contemplates what he wants to say. Mainly since his talk with Seonghwa, he’s been considering changing his major, and he would feel a lot better about proceeding with his mom’s blessing.

“Speaking of majors, I’ve actually been thinking of changing mine.” Hongjoong dares, his mom looking up at him when he interrupts the quiet. 

“Oh, what to?” His mom asks, her tone collected and almost cold. 

“I don’t know… I’ve been thinking about design.” His voice comes out far more hesitant than he means for it to. 

He can feel the displeasure rolling off of his mom in waves, “After everything we went through to get you enrolled here, and you’re already thinking of using it on such an illogical degree?” 

“I mean, it was just an idea-”

“I’m just disappointed, Hongjoong. I really thought we were on the same page, especially after all the work we did to get you on a successful path.” 

“No, yeah, you’re right. I’m happy with my major, you’re right.” Hongjoong drops the subject, taking a bite of his cooling food.

His mom slowly does the same, but the distressed look doesn’t leave her face. 

“I just worry about you here, sweetie. I tried to warn you, but you might’ve gotten a worse roommate than I thought you would.” 

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong frowns, eyeing his mom.

“I just mean I don’t want these friends of yours putting certain thoughts in your head, and pressuring you into making certain lifestyle choices that go against everything I’ve taught you to believe.”

Hongjoong’s at a loss for words, staring at his mom who seems to be deep in thought. 

“I wonder if we contacted the president of the university if we could get you moved to a different room in the middle of the semester. I’m sure they’d allow exceptions.” 

Hongjoong feels a spark of panic ignite in him, “No, no, please don’t contact anyone. I really like living with Woo. I haven’t done anything you wouldn’t approve of, I promise.” 

It dawns on Hongjoong that this is the first lie he’s ever told his mom. Guilt crawls in, but his mom relenting makes it worth it. 

“Okay, I trust you sweetie. I couldn’t ask for a better, more god fearing son.”

Hongjoong can only nod, and the rest of his time with his mom is a blur, her words rattling around his head constantly until she leaves the city, hours later. 

Days after their lunch, and Hongjoong hasn’t touched himself, his mom’s words screaming at him in protest every time he gets the urge. He distracts himself by hanging out with Wooyoung, San and Seonghwa accompanying them often. He’s thrilled to be so close with the group now, but his newfound libido refuses to be ignored. The tension culminates to a night when Wooyoung tells him he’s going to stay over with San, meaning Hongjoong has the room to himself. 

At first he does homework, managing to make decent progress before his wandering thoughts render him academically useless for the rest of the night. The urge is hanging low in his stomach, and his bed looks inviting, offering the euphoria that’s just at his fingertips. 

He knows his mom would be devastated if she knew what he’s been up to, the sins he’s committed, but the desire is too strong, his own conviction too weak to hold up, his limited arguments flimsy against the fact that he’s not truly hurting anyone or doing anything wrong by simply making himself feel good.

He finally gives in, shoving away from his desk and settling on his bed, stripping off his sweatpants and tossing them away. 

As he grabs his now full bottle of lube, he sends a silent thank you to Wooyoung for offering to get it for him. Although by now he’s done this a countless number of times, he still feels giddy as he pulls up one of his favorite videos, still not able to shake the feeling that he’s doing something wrong, but able to shove it down far enough that it’s protests can’t be heard over his moans.

His dick hardens quickly in his pants as he watches, his body tense with neglect. The men on screen share a heated, open mouthed kiss, palming each other and groaning into each other’s mouths. Hongjoong’s hand inches downwards, pausing to pinch at his nipples, ending up tearing his shirt off completely to have more access to the delicious feeling of tugging at the stiff nubs. He moves lower, stroking his shaft through the thin fabric of his boxers, the touch pulling at his gut. 

When the guy in the video slips his hard cock past the lips of the other, throwing his head back with a deep moan, Hongjoong shoves his boxers down and off, needing the warmth of his fist on his cock. His mouth falls open when he gets his hand around himself, his hips bucking with the wet friction. He pumps his hand, arousal obscuring all other thoughts, pleasure tingling up his spine and through his veins.

When the guy on his phone cries out, it pulls Hongjoong’s attention back to the video, and he watches as the other thrusts two fingers into his hole. He writhes on the bed in the video, breathing heavily as an endless stream of pleas falls from his lips. Hongjoong pauses, cock throbbing in his hand, and he gets an idea. He’s been toying around with the idea for a while, but now, his body humming with heat, it seems all the more appealing. 

His dick aches against the loss of his fist when he releases it, but he ignores it in favor of dripping another puddle of lube onto his fingers and spreading it between them. He realizes he could’ve done some more concrete research beforehand, but he doesn’t think it can be that hard. Following what he’s seen done in the porn he frequents, he props his heels up on the bed and reaches his hand even lower. 

The first ghost of his finger over his hole makes him shiver, the sensation thoroughly unusual. When he pushes the tip of his finger inside, his body stills, locking up against the intrusion. He presses on, desperate for the bone melting pleasure he’s seen in the videos, until he gets to his knuckle. It feels strange, having something inside him, pressing against his walls. He shifts, the feeling more tight and dragging than he thought it would be. 

With a huff he tries pressing his finger further, hissing when there’s a dull sting that makes him hesitate. He wonders why it always looks so easy and heavenly when they do it in porn, and his weeping dick makes him want to call the whole thing off, but he’s stubborn, determined and frustrated with himself. He pulls his finger out and wipes his hand off with some tissues, pausing the video and clicking out of it. He has half a mind to stop what he’s doing, but his throbbing cock and still slightly stinging hole urge him to press the call button, and he bites his bottom lip as it rings.

“Hey, what’s up?” Wooyoung’s light voice greets him.

Hongjoong hears San’s distant voice in the background asking who he’s talking to, and he only then remembers why his roommate isn’t currently in the room with him.

“I’m sorry Woo, I didn’t mean to interrupt your time with San, I can just talk to you about this later.”

“No, it’s okay. We’re just hanging out, it’s not a big deal. What do you need?” 

Hongjoong smiles at his friend’s generosity before he focuses on the somewhat urgent task at hand. 

“Uh- well I was just um, watching one of these videos, that you showed me… and I wanted to try what they do in the video on myself because it looks fun, but it didn’t work, and it just feels weird and kind of hurts, so I thought maybe you could help.” Hongjoong finishes his rant, only a thin stream of embarrassment piercing through his haze of arousal. 

Wooyoung hums in understanding, and Hongjoong’s grateful that he’s not laughing at him.

“One second.” Hongjoong hears Wooyoung say something to San before there’s rustling, and the sound of a door closing, “I just went to a different room. So you’re trying to finger yourself?”

Despite everything, Hongjoong’s cheeks still heat at Wooyoung’s boldness, and he nods before remembering Wooyoung can’t see him. “Yeah, but it didn’t work.” He doesn’t mean to pout, but he can’t help it.

“Okay, first of all, you need to use more lube.” Wooyoung instructs. 

“How do you know?”

“Just trust me.” 

Hongjoong switches to speakerphone, setting it next to his ear before he grabs the bottle of lube again and coats his fingers in a thick layer of it.

“What now?”

“Do you want me to give you tips and leave you to it, or do you want me to talk you through it?” 

Hongjoong ponders his question, not having to think for long before he decides that he feels infinitely more comfortable with Wooyoung’s confident, reassuring voice filtering through the phone telling him what to do. 

“Talk me through it, please.” 

“Okay, I want you to put one finger in again, and make sure you spread the lube around, inside and outside. It’ll get messy, but it’s okay.” 

Nodding again despite himself, Hongjoong follows his directions, spreading the wet substance around his hole with the tip of his finger before pushing it in again. He gets to his first knuckle and pauses, the slide easier, but the feeling still strange and foreign. 

“How does it feel?” Wooyoung asks. 

“I- I don’t know, it’s just weird.” 

“It’s okay, it’ll feel good really soon.” Wooyoung promises, “I need you to relax, you’re probably too tense. Touch yourself with your other hand, and start to move your finger when it doesn’t hurt to.” 

Hongjoong feels more sure of himself with the clear instructions, and he revels in the feeling of being able to fuck up into his fist again. As he strokes himself, he lets out a gasp, more self conscious now that he has an audience, but the simmering feeling is too electric for him to remain quiet. He experimentally pushes his finger in a little further, doing his best to relax as Wooyoung said, finding that the sting from earlier is gone. As his hand keeps up its movements on his cock, he manages to start sliding his finger in and out of himself, sighing with every thrust of both of his hands.

“W-Woo, what now?” 

“If it feels loose enough then add a second finger. Try to get them deeper, and remember to relax. You’re doing so good.” 

The praise adds to the heat swirling through Hongjoong, and it drives him as he takes his finger out before pressing two against his rim. It feels tighter when they slip inside, but nothing close to the dry burn from before. He focuses on the unfamiliar feeling of being full as he pushes his fingers deeper into himself, getting more accustomed to it, starting to crave more. 

He pumps them in and out of his hole, small gasps leaving his lips as they stroke his walls. He thinks that it feels good, but all thought is dissolved when he shifts, fingers slipping deeper and nudging something that makes his back arch, white hot fire searing through him. 

“Ah- fuck, what was that!?” Hongjoong cries, his mind reeling, sweat gathering on his forehead. He surprises himself when the curse word falls from his lips, but he’s too consumed by pleasure to care. 

Wooyoung chuckles, “That was your prostate. That’s what makes it feel  _ really  _ good. Try finding it again.” 

Hongjoong rushes to obey, chasing that feeling as he pushes his fingers deeper into his hole. He pulls them out before pressing them in again, setting up a rhythm, shifting until they brush against the bundle inside him. He cries out at every pulse of pleasure he gets, fingers shoved in his wet hole as he thrusts them in and out quickly. 

“F-fuck, Woo it feels good.” He pants into the phone, his head shrouded with overwhelming arousal and need. 

“Yeah? That’s good, you’re doing so well for me baby.” Hongjoong lets out a low moan at the pet name. “Why don’t you try adding a third finger.” 

Hongjoong follows his instruction, nudging a third finger alongside the other two. The stretch is more prominent, but Hongjoong’s too far gone to notice, unable to discern the dull ache of being stretched from the pure pleasure of being full, so he buries three fingers in his hole without hesitation. His body trembles, his fingers opening himself up and prodding at his prostate, making him burn from the inside. 

“A-ah, Woo, feel so full, ffuck.” 

“God, that’s so hot Joong.” Wooyoung’s voice sounds breathy, losing its earlier composure.

Hongjoong feels completely lost to his pleasure as he fucks himself with his fingers, rocking down onto them to get them deeper. He moans loudly with every thrust, body screaming with the abuse to his prostate, stomach a storm of arousal and liquid heat. Everything builds until he’s dizzy with how good it feels, the pressure of being full, sparks of warmth flickering with every press of his fingers. 

“Are you still touching your cock baby? I want to hear you come.” 

Hongjoong gasps at Wooyoung’s words, nearly coming from them alone. His hand wraps around himself again, wasting no time before pumping his length. Everything is slick and messy, and he whimpers with the addition of his hand on his cock, his fingers deep in his loose hole. His hips fuck up into his fist and down onto his fingers, his mind buzzing as his body ignites, the tension gathered in his gut snapping. 

“F-fuck, oh my god, Woo!” He screams as he comes harder than he ever has, ropes of white covering his chest, ears ringing and vision blanking. 

When he comes back to himself, he’s slumped against the bed, and he slips his fingers out of his hole with a wince. It’s odd, feeling so empty and loose and open. He sighs, chest heaving with the unfamiliar force of his orgasm. 

“Are you okay?” Wooyoung asks. 

“Yeah. That was- wow, that was amazing.” Hongjoong giggles. “Thank you, seriously.” 

“Well I’m really glad I could help.” Hongjoong can hear the smile in Wooyoung’s voice. 

“I’m sorry I took you away from San.” 

“No, don’t be. I had fun too.”

“Okay, well I guess I’ll let you get back to him now, and I should probably clean up.” Hongjoong grimaces at the drying come and lube covering him. 

“Yeah, probably.” Wooyoung chuckles, “Let me know if you ever want my help again, okay?” 

“Okay, thank you Woo.” 

Hongjoong ends the call feeling fully satisfied, and more than grateful. As he lays in the mess he made, orgasm still humming in his veins, he feels shame threaten to ruin his good mood. He knows it’s against the church to masturbate at all, and he also knows he just took it multiple steps past the line, with himself and with Wooyoung. He also cussed, a lot, something he’s almost never done, but he can’t find it in him to mind, or give validation to the shame that attempts to engulf him.

He pushes the thoughts away as much as he can, determined to enjoy the rest of his night after the best orgasm he’s ever had. He didn’t do anything physical with a man, or with anyone at all, and that’s good enough for him. Feeling content, he climbs off the bed, lube dripping down his thighs, and hurries to the bathroom. 

He takes a hot shower, washing the come and lube off, and pulls on clean sweatpants and a t-shirt when he’s done, skin warm and body relaxed. He strips his bed of the dirty sheets and replaces them with extra ones, making a mental note to wash them the next day. He grabs a snack and collapses on the couch, putting on a movie and burrowing into a blanket. That’s how he spends the rest of the night, and when he goes to bed later, he feels happier than he can remember ever feeling. 

  
  


Hongjoong expects to be met with awkwardness when he sees Wooyoung, but instead, when he gets home the next day his roommate acts completely normal, a wide smile greeting him when he walks in the door. He’s relieved, only then realizing that this must be a common occurrence for his friend. He goes through his night, relaxed with the reassurance that nothing has to change between them, and he got to have a mind blowing orgasm. 

“Hey Joong?” Wooyoung brings him out of his thoughts as he’s sitting at his desk, his roommate on his bed behind him. 

“Yeah?” 

“There’s another party this weekend, do you want to go?” 

Hongjoong takes a second to think; he’d had somewhat of a crisis at the last party, the memory not particularly pleasant, but that makes him more inclined to want to redo the night. He also looks forward to any opportunity to see his friends. 

“Yeah sure, sounds fun.” 

Wooyoung grins, and Hongjoong feels the familiar warmth at getting his approval. The rest of the week flies by, as Hongjoong makes sure to stay caught up on his homework, leaving him free to go to the party. Before he knows it he's getting ready, and he’s met yet again with having to decide what to wear. 

He searches through his closet, nothing seeming adequate, and he runs a frustrated hand through his hair with a huff just as Wooyoung walks out of the bathroom, towel wrapped low around his hips. Hongjoong’s eyes are immediately glued to the expanse of skin revealed, water still dripping down it, and he feels his cheeks and body heat up. He averts his gaze with a gulp.

“Hey, you okay?” Wooyoung asks as he moves across the room to pick out his own clothes. 

“Yeah, I just don’t know what to wear.” Hongjoong pouts. 

Wooyoung shrugs, “Oh, well you can look through my stuff, borrow whatever you want.” 

Thoroughly frustrated with his own current wardrobe, Hongjoong accepts his offer, joining him to look through his clothes. Wooyoung smells faintly like vanilla, still radiating warmth from the shower, and Hongjoong shuffles a little further away, his body tingling with something he doesn’t want to think about.

He wears one of his own pairs of black ripped jeans, recently acquired, and feels thrilled when he finds the perfect top among Wooyoung’s shirts to accompany it. It makes nervous thrills shoot through him, but he gets changed anyways, looking at himself in the mirror when he does. He smiles, satisfied with the way the black crop top fits his frame, contrasting against the strip of skin that’s left on show. 

“Wow, you look hot.” Wooyoung raises his eyebrows when they go to leave their room, his eyes raking over Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong feels a blush warm his cheeks, and he mumbles a thank you before walking out the door, Wooyoung on his heels. 

The party is at a different house this time, and Hongjoong feels far more comfortable at this one. He walks tall with the confidence of wearing something new, almost high off of Wooyoung's compliment. The house is still pumped full of loud music, but there's more room to sit, to breathe, couches pressed against the walls and the dance floor more confined to one side of the room. 

Hongjoong feels light, eager to do his best to have some fun. His ears are constantly tinged a shade of red starting the moment they arrive at the party, as he receives multiple appreciative and suggestive looks from guys and girls alike. He steps closer to Wooyoung, shy under the attention. 

“Hey Woo?” He calls over the music, the younger stopping to turn towards him, “Do you think you can help me get something to drink?” 

Wooyoung eyes him with suspicion, “Like… something alcoholic?” 

“Yeah, I don't want to get drunk or anything, but I want to try it.” Hongjoong bites his bottom lip. 

“Are you sure? You know you don't have to, right? Have you eaten anything recently? There's no pressure, seriously.” 

Hongjoong smiles, utterly enamored by Wooyoung’s caring side, “I know, and I’m okay. I want to.”

“Okay, as long as you're sure. Come on.” 

Hongjoong ends up with a red cup in his hand, matching the one in Wooyoung’s. The first sip of the drink his roommate gave him makes his face twist, the taste unpleasant, Wooyoung chuckling and calling him cute again. Blushing, Hongjoong takes another gulp, ignoring the taste and the burn in his throat. 

Wooyoung told him it's not strong, given that he knows he doesn't want to get drunk, but he still feels it's effects after downing the single cup. He feels loose, almost tingling with energy. He accepts one more cup and finishes it easily, feeling sufficiently relaxed once he does, cutting himself off there. 

He feels free, his body lax as he sways next to Wooyoung, his head pleasantly dizzy. San and Seonghwa are next to them too, the four of them talking lazily. 

“Are you doing okay?” Wooyoung breaks away from the conversation to ask. 

“Mmhm, I'm amazing.” Hongjoong smiles. 

“Do you want to dance?”

Hongjoong thinks he's never heard a better idea in his life. 

After excusing themselves, Hongjoong drags his roommate towards the sea of people, diving into it and facing each other. 

Normally Hongjoong would hesitate, surrounded by a crowd, under Wooyoung’s eyes, but tonight he's able to let himself go. He feels the music flow through him, moving easily with it. His attention is drawn to Wooyoung as he starts dancing, even more mesmerizing up close than when he dances on stage.

Hongjoong’s eyes trail every line of his lithe body, his golden skin glowing as he dances gracefully, until the song switches and he moves his hips, Hongjoong barely able to register the heat gathering in his gut. 

Wooyoung’s eyes meet his, bright and shining, his lips parted as he breathes heavily. When his roommate steps closer, his hands landing on Hongjoong’s hips, Hongjoong lets out a gasp. 

“Is this okay?” Wooyoung asks, his breath fanning against Hongjoong, who can only nod. 

They start to move together, and Hongjoong feels overwhelmed in the best possible way, his head fuzzy and body burning. The feeling of Wooyoung’s chest pressed against his and his hands on him makes everything spin with desire as Hongjoong forgets about the music and people swirling around him. Wooyoung looks radiant, lips full and pink, his hair messy, and Hongjoong’s stomach twists, his throat tight. 

Aided by the alcohol, his reeling mind finding no reason to refrain, Hongjoong slides a hand up to the back of Wooyoung’s neck and pulls him forward, crashing their lips together. 

Wooyoung stills, his surprised gasp choked off by Hongjoong’s lips, but he recovers quickly, kissing Hongjoong back roughly. 

That's what snaps Hongjoong out of his daze, making him pull back, his eyes blow wide with shock over what he just did. As he looks at Wooyoung, his lips still parted, his head runs through a chorus of 

_ ohmygodwhatdidijustdoikissedmyroommateohfuckwhydoeshelooksogoodireallywanttokisshimagain.  _

Wooyoung looks like he's waiting, inviting, so Hongjoong accepts the invitation, pressing closer and capturing his lips again. It's messy, given that Hongjoong’s never kissed anyone before, and he's currently wobbling on his feet, but he more than makes up for it in enthusiasm. 

He never expected kissing to feel so electric, heat blooming from his gut, through his stomach and up his chest. He craves more, and can't hold back a whine when Wooyoung breaks the kiss and leans back. He grabs Hongjoong’s hand and leads him over to an empty couch, weaving through the crowd. Hongjoong would do anything as long as he gets Wooyoung’s lips on his again. 

They pass by San and Seonghwa, and Hongjoong’s doused in panic that San will be upset at him for kissing Wooyoung, but they're met with suggestive winks from the pair, and Wooyoung flips them off as they pass by. 

Wooyoung pushes him onto the couch when they reach it, climbing onto his lap, his thighs on either side of him. 

“God, I've wanted to do this for so long.” Wooyoung whispers, his hands on Hongjoong’s chest, “You look so sexy tonight, baby.” 

Hongjoong can only whimper, his fingers digging into Wooyoung’s thighs. 

Wooyoung kisses him again, hot and rough and perfect. He tilts his head, Hongjoong following his lead as Wooyoung’s tongue teases his bottom lip. Hongjoong feels like he's flying, or falling through the air, Wooyoung’s lips the only thing keeping him sane. He lets his own tongue meet Wooyoung’s as their lips slide together, Wooyoung raking his fingers down his chest. 

When Wooyoung slips his hands under his crop top, splayed against his heated skin, Hongjoong groans, the sound swallowed by Wooyoung as he smirks against his mouth. 

The music and chaos of the party falls away as Wooyoung invades his every sense, until all he can breathe is him. His dick is hard in his pants, pressing against Wooyoung who grinds down against him, making him gasp as fire sparks through him. 

“W-Woo?” Hongjoong pants as Wooyoung starts kissing searing trails down his neck.

“Yeah, baby?” Wooyoung’s breath is hot on his skin, his voice low.

“I’ve been w-wondering, does it f- ah!” He chokes off when Wooyoung sucks a mark into his neck, “Does it f-feel better to have someone else touch you, instead of touching yourself?”

Wooyoung groans, “Fuck- yeah, it does.” He leans in, his breath ghosting over Hongjoong’s ear, “Want me to show you?”

Hongjoong lets out a low moan, “Please.” 

“Come on.” Wooyoung growls, pulling Hongjoong up and through the house again. 

Hongjoong realizes where Wooyoung is taking him as they leave the party behind and venture to the rest of the house, towards the room lined hallways. Hongjoong follows blindly on unsteady legs, his focus solely on his roommate’s hand in his and the ache in his pants. 

As they walk past doorways in search of an empty room, Hongjoong starts to feel more clear headed, his heated skin cooling. He feels fear creep under his skin as he has time to think, leading him to overthink. 

He’d taken solace in the fact that he hadn’t done anything physical with anyone, and now he’s kissed Wooyoung, the pair currently headed towards the promise of more. He feels his hands start to shake as he’s weighed down with everything that’s happened, overwhelmed with a strange mixture of pressure and guilt and arousal. 

By the time they walk into a vacant room, the door clicking shut behind them, Hongjoong has fallen completely silent, lost in his own mind. 

His head spins when he's pressed against the closed door, Wooyoung immediately attacking his lips again. Hongjoong’s tempted to dismiss his thoughts in favor of reciprocating, but he can't let himself go, too tense under his mind’s insistence. 

When Hongjoong, regrettably, doesn't kiss Wooyoung back the younger pulls away, his eyes swimming with concern, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just- I really want this, but a part of me still feels like it's wrong.”

Wooyoung’s eyes soften, “Hey, I don’t think there's anything wrong with you, or with you wanting this, but I also don’t want you to feel pressured into anything, okay? We don’t have to do anything at all if you're not comfortable.” He grabs Hongjoong’s hand, his thumb rubbing soothingly over the back of it. 

Hongjoong nods again, feeling like he can breathe a little easier. He trusts that Wooyoung wouldn’t force or pressure him to do anything, but he doesn’t have to think very hard or for very long to come to the conclusion that he doesn't need to be pressured into wanting to follow where they left off, and find out where it leads. 

He feels shaken by the sheer amount of fondness and appreciation and desire flowing through him, making him feel like he’ll fall apart at the seams if he doesn’t do something, his doubts all but forgotten now that they've been voiced. 

“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, his voice quiet. 

“Yeah.” Wooyoung’s eyes dart down to Hongjoong’s lips. 

Hongjoong leans forward, knowing that this is the point of no return. Before, he'd been caught up in the moment, filled with energy and nudged by the tinge of alcohol, exploring and experimenting. Now, he's fully aware of what he's doing and what he's searching for as he captures Wooyoung’s lips again. 

Wooyoung lets it be a simple press of closed mouths, until Hongjoong lets out a whine and deepens it, growing hot when he hears the amused chuckle in Wooyoung’s chest. Their tongues tangle, every touch making Hongjoong needy for more, and he’s soon impatient, surging forward, closer, biting on Wooyoung’s bottom lip, drawing a hum from him. 

Wooyoung gives back as much as Hongjoong takes, following his lead and letting him set the pace. Hongjoong’s hands slide up to the back of Wooyoung’s neck, his fingers in his hair, pressing their chests together and sighing when Wooyoung grabs his waist, making him feel small under his touch. Hongjoong’s dick twitches in his pants again as the kiss dissolves into a messy tangle of tongues and slide of spit slick lips. 

Wooyoung leans back and pulls Hongjoong forward, spinning them around and urging him to walk backwards until he throws him down onto the large bed, crawling over him, dark eyes staring into his. Wooyoung pulls Hongjoong’s shirt off of him, Hongjoong’s hands scrambling against the younger to return the favor. 

Hongjoong is overwhelmed by only the press of their bare chests together when Wooyoung lays over him, his head racing with how he'll possibly handle more. He switches off his thoughts by kissing Wooyoung again, hands splayed over his back, body driven wild by the weight of Wooyoung on top of him. 

When Wooyoung grinds his hips down against him, Hongjoong groans at the delicious pressure, his hips snapping up in search of more. Wooyoung smirks as his lips move down to suck more marks into Hongjoong’s neck, nipping and licking, every swipe of his tongue and teeth making Hongjoong gasp. His dick throbs in his jeans, heat consuming him, making him desperate.

“Woo, p-please” Hongjoong’s nails dig into Wooyoung’s honey skin. 

Wooyoung takes pity on him, one of his hands sliding down, leaving a trail of goosebumps and anticipation. He cups Hongjoong through his jeans, the touch infinitely better than Hongjoong’s own even through the layers of fabric. 

While Wooyoung strokes his length, endlessly teasing Hongjoong, who writhes underneath him, Hongjoong grabs Wooyoung’s other hand, leading it up to his nipple. 

Wooyoung smirks in understanding, “Oh, do you like that baby?” He pinches the sensitive nub between his fingers, making Hongjoong tingle with heat. 

“Y-yeah.” Hongjoong breathes. 

Wooyoung continues toying with Hongjoong’s dick and his nipples, pinching and flicking them until they're puffy and red, taking him apart with his hands. He eventually caves and rips Hongjoong’s jeans off, pausing to remove his own, before his hand is back on Hongjoong’s still clothed length. 

Hongjoong feels close to tears with need, Wooyoung’s hand on him electric, but not enough. He can’t hold back his endless little whines, and Wooyoung silences them with his lips on his. Hongjoong focuses on the heat of Wooyoung’s mouth, sucking on his tongue, content for the moment, until Wooyoung slips his hand under the waistband of his boxers, the first touch of his fingers on Hongjoong’s cock making him jump with a loud gasp muffled by Wooyoung’s lips. 

“Oh f-fuck.” Hongjoong’s eyes roll back as Wooyoung wraps his hand around his length, his hot fist taking Hongjoong’s breath away as it lights up his every nerve. 

Wooyoung takes his hand off of him, making Hongjoong whine low in his throat again, to slide his boxers down and off, sitting back and settling against Hongjoong’s thighs. Hongjoong watches as Wooyoung lets a trail of spit fall from his lips, landing on Hongjoong’s cock, and the only thing running through his head is that it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. 

When Wooyoung strokes him again, spreading his spit over his length, Hongjoong’s back arches off the mattress as he cries out, gut flaring with searing pleasure. He can’t catch his breath, everything overwhelming, Wooyoung’s touch infinitely better than his own has ever been. 

“Hey, just relax, eyes on me baby.” Hongjoong hadn’t noticed he screwed his eyes shut in the onslaught of sensations, and he follows Wooyoung’s directions, opening them to see the younger lean over him. 

Hongjoong keeps his eyes on Wooyoung, on his devilish smirk and fiery eyes, as he starts pumping his cock, his fingers wet and warm with practiced pressure. Hongjoong’s hands wander over Wooyoung’s skin, heated with sweat, pulling him closer. Wooyoung makes him melt under his touch, knowing just how to twist his wrist and tease the head with his thumb to make Hongjoong feel like molten lava. 

“Fuck, don’t stop Woo p-please, gonna come.” Hongjoong gasps, his body screaming with pleasure as he nears his release.

“Let go, baby.” Wooyoung instructs, his voice low and breathy.

His hand speeds up, letting Hongjoong fuck up into his fist, the rhythm faltering and slide messy, but Hongjoong can only think about the fire consuming him. When Wooyoung’s other hand pinches his nipple again, the spark is enough to throw him over the edge, everything going black, making him cry out as pleasure beyond what he’s felt before tears him apart. Wooyoung pumps his cock through his orgasm as he comes over his fist.

Hongjoong can’t catch his breath as he recovers from his high, body singing with aftershocks of heat and spikes of pleasure. Wooyoung takes his hand off of him when he stills, gasping, and he leans down to capture his lips. Hongjoong kisses him back lazily, his limbs heavy against the rumpled sheets on the bed. He feels Wooyoung’s still hard cock through his boxers, and he breaks the kiss to look up at him. 

“What about you?” 

“I’m okay, this was about you.” Wooyoung smiles. 

However, Hongjoong frowns, his eyes wandering down, “But- I want to…” He trails off. What does he want?

“You want to know what another man’s cock feels like in your hand?” 

Hongjoong’s dick threatens to stir again, despite his exhausted body’s protests. His eyes are wide as he nods slowly. Smirking again, Wooyoung pulls his boxers off, dick springing against his stomach. Hongjoong’s mouth waters, and even though he’s seen it before, now that Wooyoung’s skin is on his, and he knows what his hand feels like stroking him, everything feels heightened. He wonders how it would taste against his tongue, but he shoves the thought aside. One step at a time. 

Wooyoung sits against his thighs again, his hard cock pink and swollen, sweat dripping down his skin, “Go ahead, baby.” 

Gulping, Hongjoong reaches a hesitant hand out, wrapping his fingers around Wooyoung’s cock. It’s hot and heavy in his hand, similar to the way his own feels, but the hitch in Wooyoung’s breath is fundamentally new. 

Wooyoung sits still and lets him experiment as he gets used to the feeling of another cock in his fist, starting to stroke him unsteadily. Hongjoong pays attention to Wooyoung’s reactions, learning what makes his breathing heavier, what makes him hum in approval. Hongjoong feels pride press at his chest with every sound he draws from Wooyoung and the knowledge that he’s the one making him feel that way. He watches Wooyoung’s face twist with pleasure as he bites his bottom lip, looking like the epitome of sex appeal.

“Can I come on you?” Wooyoung asks. 

Hongjoong lets out a moan, “Fuck- please.”

Wooyoung licks a strip up his own hand before it takes the place of Hongjoong’s on his cock, and he strokes himself quickly, expertly. Hongjoong’s certain he’s died and gone to heaven as he watches Wooyoung sit over him, fucking into his own fist, his groans filling the room. He runs his hand over Wooyoung’s muscular thighs, relishing the hitch in the younger’s breath when he digs his fingers into the skin. 

“Shit, you look so fucking hot like this Joong.” Wooyoung breathes, his hand speeding up over his length. 

Hongjoong moans again, the sound seeming to spur Wooyoung on. Wooyoung stills over him, mouth falling open in a silent scream as he comes, white roping over Hongjoong’s stomach and chest. It makes Hongjoong feel filthy in the best possible way as he’s covered in Wooyoung’s release. 

Wooyoung slumps against him, his lips finding Hongjoong’s again. They kiss slowly as they cool down, both tired and sated. The loud music filtering from outside the room starts to reach Hongjoong’s ears as he remembers where they are. He lets himself enjoy the wet press of Wooyoung’s lips against his for a moment before he pulls back, Wooyoung doing the same.

“That was- wow.” Hongjoong breathes.

Wooyoung chuckles, “So was it better than when you touch yourself?” 

Hongjoong looks at him incredulously, “Yeah whatever, you know it was.” He shoves Wooyoung playfully, making him laugh. “Come on, we should get dressed before someone else comes in here.” 

Wooyoung climbs off of him, and Hongjoong feels chilled, missing the weight and warmth of his body. They clean up the best they can with some tissues they find before they pull their clothes on. Hongjoong knows he must smell like sweat and come, the thought making him feel far less disgusted than he thinks he should as they step out of the room and into the hallway. 

Hongjoong feels high with endorphins as they push back through the crowd, until they find San and Seonghwa again and their wandering eyes over him make him realize how totally debauched he must look, cheeks flushed, hair tangled, neck littered with bruises. 

“Had fun?” Seonghwa asks when they reach them. 

Hongjoong blushes, while Wooyoung puffs his chest out, answering that they did. San’s eyes are dark as he watches them, and Hongjoong’s confused, until he steps towards Wooyoung. 

“I was hoping  _ we  _ could have some fun.” San pulls Wooyoung closer by the loops in his pants, his voice low. 

Wooyoung smiles, all white teeth and mischief, before he kisses San. They kiss like they’re starving, shoving their tongues in the other’s mouth, San’s hands squeezing Wooyoung’s ass. Hongjoong, in disbelief, looks to Seonghwa for help, the older only shaking his head, seeming almost bored. 

Wooyoung breaks the kiss, biting San’s bottom lip and pulling on it before he leans back and turns towards Hongjoong. 

“Are you okay?” 

Hongjoong doesn’t know if he means him leaving him alone with Seonghwa, or with him doing things with San at all, but his answer is the same regardless. 

“Yeah, go ahead.” He laughs, still winded from the turn of events. 

Wooyoung grins, and grabs San’s hand, pulling it until the two of them are scrambling off in the direction he’d just come from with Hongjoong, who turns to Seonghwa again. 

“But how can he- when we just-” He tilts his head in confusion. 

Seonghwa chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Wooyoung is more than capable of coming more than once.” 

“Oh..” Hongjoong doesn’t feel any less confused. He didn’t even know coming more than once was an option.

“So it doesn’t bother you then?” Seonghwa asks, bringing Hongjoong’s attention back to him.

“What doesn’t?”

“That Wooyoung just had sex with you and then ran off to do the same with San?” 

Hongjoong pauses, looking inside himself. He’d been surprised when presented with the idea, but no jealousy had reared its head. 

“No, it doesn’t. Should it?” 

Seonghwa shakes his head, “No, it’s good that it doesn’t. I just wanted to check how you’re feeling.” 

“Oh, yeah I’m okay, I know that Wooyoung isn’t looking for a relationship or anything like that. We’re just having fun.” 

A couple months ago, Hongjoong could never have fathomed the idea of sex before marriage, let alone casual sex, and sex with a man was on a whole seperate planet, but now, it just feels right, and he can’t find it in him to regret it. 

“Good. Trust me, it sucks to fall in love with someone and they don’t feel the same way.” 

Hongjoong’s curiosity is piqued by Seonghwa’s statement, but it doesn’t feel right to ask for more of the personal story, with drunk sweaty college students and heart thumping music surrounding them. Instead, he nods in understanding and sympathy. 

“San and Wooyoung seem really close though, I’m surprised they’re not dating.” Hongjoong comments. 

“Yeah, sometimes I worry San’s falling for him.” Seonghwa agrees, his eyes tinged with sadness. 

“Do you think Wooyoung could ever fall for him too?” 

Seonghwa pauses to think, “I think so, in the future. I just hope they don’t fall apart first because San has feelings Wooyoung’s not ready for.” 

“How long have you guys known each other?” Hongjoong asks, the conversation making him curious about their dynamic. 

“San and Wooyoung have known each other for years, but I just joined their exclusive little group this year.” 

Hongjoong hums, “You don’t ever feel left out?”

“I did, sometimes, at first. Like you said, the two of them are really close, but I know they always try to make me feel included. I am really glad that you’re here now though.” 

Seonghwa’s words and bright accompanying smile flood Hongjoong with warmth, and his own returning smile is small and appreciative. A quiet lull develops between them as they watch their surroundings with mild interest.

“So do you have any plans for the rest of the weekend?” Hongjoong asks. 

“Nah, not really. Homework and cleaning mostly.” Seonghwa shrugs, “What about you?” 

“Pretty much the same.”

“Have you written anything new recently?” 

Hongjoong feels giddy with the knowledge that Seonghwa remembered he writes songs, delighted that his friend cares enough about him to ask, and that he’s genuinely interested. 

“No, I want to, but I’ve been too busy with homework.” Hongjoong frowns. He does wish he had more time to pursue his interests, the things he’d never had much chance to explore before, unsure of how his mom would react to it. 

“Well I’m glad it seems like you’re exploring fashion a little more. I never got the chance to tell you I think you look really good tonight.” Seonghwa gestures to Hongjoong’s crop top that he’d forgotten he’s wearing.

“Oh, thank you.” Hongjoong looks away, smiling. Seonghwa must be spending too much time with Wooyoung, his flirtiness worn off on him. “You do too.” 

“Ah, no.” Seonghwa waves him off, far too humble. 

Their conversation continues smoothly from there, flowing from topic to topic without hesitation or awkwardness, and Hongjoong feels content to stay there, among the sea of swaying bodies, to talk to Seonghwa, his focus solely on him. Their bubble is bursted, however, when Wooyoung comes bouncing back, hickies on his neck matching Hongjoong’s, a smug San in tow. 

“Hey guys.” Wooyoung greets, sounding far too energetic for what he’s been up to, Hongjoong thinks. 

“Hey, done already?” Seonghwa teases, Wooyoung pushing his arm with a giggle. 

“Joong, are you ready to go home? It’s getting pretty late.” Wooyoung asks. 

Hongjoong glances at the time, eyes widening when he sees how late it’s gotten. He hadn’t noticed the time slipping away as he was wrapped up in Wooyoung, and then talking with Seonghwa. He tells Wooyoung he’s ready, and San and Seonghwa announce that they’re leaving too. The four of them walk out of the house together, heading off across campus. The cold wind that meets Hongjoong sends a shiver through him, the chilled night air making him wrap his arms around himself to fend it off.

Seonghwa turns towards him, “Hongjoong, while you look great, you’re gonna freeze your ass off. Here.” He pulls off his leather jacket, holding it out towards him.

“Oh no, I’m okay, really.” 

Seonghwa only has to look at him with a raise of his eyebrow, and Hongjoong folds, taking the jacket from his hands with one too many thank you’s. 

“Wow Seonghwa, how cliche of you.” Wooyoung teases. 

Seonghwa moves to slap his arm, his cheeks tinted pink, Wooyoung jumping out of the way with a sly laugh. Chuckling at his friends’ antics, Hongjoong pulls Seonghwa’s jacket on. He’s instantly engulfed in warmth, the smell of leather and coffee making his stomach feel jittery. He tugs it tighter around himself with a pleased sigh. 

The four of them talk lightly, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Sooner than Hongjoong would like they have to part ways, San and Seonghwa breaking off while him and Wooyoung continue towards their dorm, waving goodbye to the other two. Hongjoong walks with a smile on his face, his hands shoved into the pockets of Seonghwa’s jacket. 

“Did you have fun with Seonghwa while I was gone?” Wooyoung asks, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“Yeah, we just talked, it was really nice.”

“What did you talk about?” Wooyoung’s voice sounds casually curious, but Hongjoong has a sneaking suspicion that he’s prying ever so slightly. 

“I don’t know, a lot of things. Weekend plans and stuff.” Hongjoong pauses before countering, “Did you have fun with San?” 

Wooyoung’s smile is just this side of lewd, “Yeah, sometimes he gets needy, not that I mind. Tonight he wanted to-”

“Okay I know I asked, but I really don’t need to know.” Hongjoong interrupts. 

“Suit yourself.” Wooyoung shrugs.

Despite his objection, Hongjoong’s mind runs wild with curiosity.    
  


“Woo, can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah of course.”

“How many times have you- I mean how many people have you like, been with?” 

Wooyoung’s laugh is light and loud, his eyes shining with amusement, “Are you asking what my body count is?” 

“Um yeah, I guess?” 

Wooyoung takes a second to think, “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you a number.”

“Like… more than single digits?” Hongjoong tries. 

Wooyoung giggles, “You’re cute Joong, and still so, so innocent.”

Hongjoong frowns, trying his best to look intimidating, but Wooyoung only smiles wider. 

“But how do you not um, like catch a lot of things?” 

“Like diseases?” Wooyoung checks, Hongjoong nodding, “I’m always careful to use protection, and check with the person or people before we do anything.” 

“People? As in more than one at a time?” Hongjoong asks, disbelief threading between his words. 

“That’s right, baby.” Wooyoung winks at him playfully. 

“Wow.” Hongjoong stops himself before his mind can follow that train of thought. “Wait, so why didn’t you check with me before we did stuff?” 

Wooyoung eyes him, “Because you were the biggest virgin I’d ever met.” He deadpans. 

Hongjoong feels his ears heat ever so slightly, “I didn’t even think about the fact that I’m not a virgin anymore.” 

“I mean it depends on who you ask, but yeah.” Wooyoung agrees, “Congrats.” He nudges Hongjoong with his shoulder. 

“Thanks.” Hongjoong laughs. “I never thought I’d have sex until I was like, really old or something, and married.” 

“How are you doing with all of that by the way?” Wooyoung asks, “I don’t ever want to be the cause of you feeling ashamed of yourself, or anything like that.”

“No, I’m doing okay with it. Sometimes it is hard, but it would never be your fault. I’m the one that wants to do everything we’ve done, and you’ve just let me explore at my own pace. If anything I should be thanking you.” 

“No need to thank me, I have just as much fun, trust me.” Wooyoung smiles, Hongjoong mirroring it. 

“Oh yeah, I have another thing I wanted to talk to you about.” Hongjoong comments, Wooyoung humming for him to continue, “I’ve always really wanted to try dying my hair, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I was wondering if you’d be able to help me?” 

Wooyoung lights up, “Yeah, I’d love to! Do you know what color you want to try?” 

Hongjoong hadn’t thought that far ahead, too delighted with the idea, “Um, not really.” 

Wooyoung’s eyes flick between his hair and his face, calculating, “I think you’d look really good with black hair. Or what about blue? Ooh, or red!” His enthusiasm rivals Hongjoong’s own, making him laugh as he thinks. 

“I think blue sounds cool?” 

Wooyoung claps happily, “Okay! Are you free to do it tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, I just have some homework to do.” Hongjoong smiles, his excitement growing, feeding off of Wooyoung’s. 

Wooyoung starts talking about when and how they'll do it, what the plan is, but Hongjoong’s mind is wandering in another direction, Seonghwa’s heavy scent still occupying most of the space in his brain. 

“Can we invite Seonghwa over too?” He blurts, accidentally interrupting Wooyoung, who doesn't seem to mind.

“Yeah sure, he's good at that sort of stuff, and we can get dinner together. Why don't you invite him?” 

“I don't have his number.” 

“Oh, well here.” Wooyoung holds his hand out for Hongjoong’s phone, typing away at it once he does. “There.” He hands it back. 

“You want me to ask him now?” Hongjoong checks. 

“Yeah, why not?” 

“Well- what if he's sleeping already?” 

“I'm sure he's not… and also who cares.” Wooyoung waves him off. 

Hongjoong doesn't know why he's suddenly nervous to text the older, they'd spent a majority of the night talking, and he's wearing his jacket, but still, texting him seems too.. personal, in a way. Ignoring his nerves and following Wooyoung’s urging, he types out a message and presses send before he can overthink and overanalyze it. 

**[Hey, it's Hongjoong!]**

And then, after another moment and a brief internal freak out of worrying Seonghwa will think he's weird and creepy,

**[Wooyoung gave me your number]**

He only realizes he's staring at his phone with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration when Wooyoung calls him out on it, teasing him for being so serious. Laughing it off, Hongjoong pockets his phone, but he still moves a little, or a lot too quickly to grab it when he feels it buzz. 

**[Oh hey! What's up?]**

Hongjoong types and retypes, not so subtly angling his phone away from Wooyoung’s prying eyes. 

~~**[Do you want to-]** ~~

~~**[I remembered you said you aren't busy tomorrow, and-]** ~~

~~**[Would you be interested in-]** ~~

He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself. It's just Seonghwa. 

**[Wooyoung’s going to help me dye my hair tomorrow, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over too?]**

He still cringes at himself, but it's the best it's going to get, so he presses send. 

And then,

**[I promise it won't be as boring as it sounds, and we'll get dinner on us.]**

Hongjoong almost smacks himself in the face for managing to be so awkward even over text. 

**[Yeah sure, it sounds fun! What color are you dying it?]**

**[I think I’m going with blue]**

**[Ooh you’ll look great with blue hair]**

Hongjoong’s heart beats a little too hard in his chest as he reads over the message again and again. 

“What are you all smiley about?” Wooyoung asks with a sly smile of his own. 

“Nothing.” Hongjoong locks his phone. He’ll spend way too long trying to think of something to respond with later, and they'll work out the details. “Seonghwa says he'll come.” 

“Oh cool- ooh! I'll invite Sannie too.” Wooyoung grins. 

Hongjoong agrees then Wooyoung’s busy typing away at his own phone. Hongjoong hadn't meant for his hair dying to turn into such an event, but he's not complaining, he’s looking forward to his friends being there for something that's actually an important occasion for him. 

When they get to their room, Hongjoong flops down onto his bed, his head overwhelmed with everything that happened over the course of just a few hours. Exhaustion takes over him, and he's only vaguely aware of Wooyoung bustling around the room and the bathroom, his eyes having slipped closed. 

When Wooyoung calls to him that he really should change out of his clothes and get more comfortable, Hongjoong mumbles that he's too tired and Wooyoung drops the subject. If Hongjoong leaves out the fact that his nose is pressed against the smooth warm leather of Seonghwa’s jacket, his mind fuzzy and body tingling with the smell of coffee, then no one needs to know. 

  
  


The next day, after a morning of rushing to finish his homework, Hongjoong goes to the beauty supply store with Wooyoung. The aisles filled with different products and colors and variations make Hongjoong’s head spin, but Wooyoung just grabs his hand and pulls him through the store, seeming confident enough in his knowledge of what they need. They leave with a bottle of bright blue dye and a bag full of other additional products that Hongjoong never would've thought about, but Wooyoung insists they need. 

When they get back to their room, Hongjoong has just enough time to freshen up, although he whines when he has to wear an old ratty t-shirt, again at Wooyoung’s insistence, the sound cutting off abruptly when Wooyoung then accuses him of wanting to dress up for Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong also takes a few extra minutes to clean up their room and bathroom. He's spent enough time with Seonghwa and seen him pick up after other people enough times to know that he likes things to be neat, and Hongjoong wants him to be comfortable. He keeps an eye on Wooyoung, daring him to make a comment about him cleaning up, but the younger keeps his mouth shut for once. 

When San and Seonghwa are supposed to arrive any minute, Hongjoong settled on his bed, his hair dying paraphernalia set up in the bathroom, Wooyoung groans, looking down at his phone where he’s sitting on his own bed. 

“What’s wrong?” Hongjoong asks. 

“Sannie can't come.” 

“Oh, why not?”

“He said he's going on a date.” Wooyoung pouts. 

“Oh, well I hope that goes well.” Hongjoong tries to gauge Wooyoung’s reaction, curious how he feels about it, but he finds nothing. 

After another few minutes there’s a knock at the door, and Wooyoung bounces over, opening it and greeting Seonghwa happily. Hongjoong gets up to do the same, smiling at the older.

“Nice shirt.” Seonghwa’s eyes flick down. 

“It’s for the hair dye.” Hongjoong defends, Seonghwa chuckling.

The three of them crash on the couch, discussing their plans. 

“Where’s San?” Seonghwa asks. 

“Something came up.” Wooyoung answers, standing and wandering off. 

“Woo said he has a date.” Hongjoong whispers to Seonghwa, whose eyebrows shoot up. 

“Really? How did he seem when he told you that?” 

“He didn’t really seem anything, actually. I mean he was disappointed he couldn’t come, but it seemed like that was it.” 

“Huh, well okay then.” 

Wooyoung returns to the couch, flopping onto it and throwing his legs over Seonghwa’s lap, his phone now in hand again. “So what do you guys want to do?”

Given that San and Wooyoung would normally waste no time challenging each other to one video game or another, this time Hongjoong and Seonghwa have to take his place. Neither of them last long before they give up, their skills severely lacking. Wooyoung whines that ‘Sannie would never quit on him so early,’ the two of them rolling their eyes in response and sharing a knowing look. 

They appease him with offers of food, and his disappointment is soon forgotten. They order takeout, lounging around watching tv and talking until it arrives. Hongjoong feels relaxed as he eats, Seonghwa periodically insisting he has to try something and feeding it to him himself, making his stomach flip. When the food is gone, Hongjoong lays back with a pleased groan, suddenly hyper aware of the way his side is pressed against Seonghwa, his skin prickling with the proximity. 

Hongjoong’s about to suggest that they get started on his hair when the room is filled with a loud shrill. 

“One second.” Wooyoung stands, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong sit in confused silence while they wait, listening to Wooyoung’s muffled voice. 

When Wooyoung walks back out of the bathroom, he lets out a sigh. 

“I’m really sorry guys, that was San. Apparently his date went really terrible, and now he’s a mess. He really wants me to come over.” 

Hongjoong’s heart breaks for his friend, “It’s okay, go, help him.” 

“Are you sure? I feel so bad having to bail on our plans.” Wooyoung frowns, sadness pooling in his eyes. 

“Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault, and he needs you right now. We can always reschedule.” Hongjoong offers his most reassuring smile, which seems to settle Wooyoung slightly. 

“I mean I can always just stay and help you, if you want, if you’d be comfortable with that?” Seonghwa speaks up from next to Hongjoong.

The thought of staying here alone with Seonghwa makes Hongjoong’s nerves spike, but not for the reason he guesses Seonghwa’s thinking. The thought of Seonghwa leaving is worse, making his heart fall, that fact making his decision for him.

“Yeah, I’m okay with that.” 

“Thanks guys, you’re the best.” Wooyoung tells them as he pulls his shoes on. 

“Tell San we say hi.” Seonghwa calls.

“Okay. I’ll see you guys later. No fucking on the couch!” He yells before he runs out the door, his giggles following him. 

Hongjoong feels like he could slap Wooyoung, but he’s left to stew in his embarrassment, looking anywhere besides next to him. 

“Ah, he’s such a little brat.” Seonghwa chuckles, his smile more of an uncomfortable grimace. 

Hongjoong laughs and agrees, and they manage to move past the awkwardness that settled over them.

“So do you want to get started?” Seonghwa asks. 

“Yeah I guess so… I’m kind of nervous now.” 

“Don’t be, you’re going to look amazing.” 

Hongjoong smiles, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as they stand to move to the bathroom. 

“Oh, before I forget, here-” Hongjoong rushes over to his desk, grabbing Seonghwa’s jacket where he’d slung it over the back of his chair, walking back and holding it out towards the older. 

Seonghwa eyes it, not moving to take it from him, “Keep it. You pull off that look better than I ever did anyways.” 

“No- it's okay, I couldn't-”

“Just think of it as your first piece of fashion exploration.” Seonghwa urges. 

Hongjoong feels his cheeks flame red, the butterflies multiplied a hundred times, and he looks down, biting his bottom lip to hold back a smile as he nods and returns the jacket to its place with a quiet thank you. 

They finally make it into the bathroom, where a chair is placed in front of the sink. 

“So how does this work?” Hongjoong asks, eyeing the rows of products lined up. 

“You just sit back, and I'll do the rest. I have some experience, don't worry.” 

Hongjoong thinks he would probably trust Seonghwa with his life, let alone his hair, but he keeps that thought to himself. 

Before he sits he turns the chair to face away from the sink and mirror, Seonghwa looking at him questioningly. 

“I want it to be a surprise.” He offers as an explanation, Seonghwa nodding in understanding. 

“Okay, we're going to bleach your hair first.” Seonghwa tells him as he ruffles through the different bottles, pulling on gloves before squeezing things into bowls and mixing. 

He tosses a towel over Hongjoong’s shoulders before coming to a stop, standing just behind Hongjoong’s shoulder. 

“Are you ready?” 

“Yeah.” Hongjoong musters up his courage. 

The first touch of the bleach coated brush is cold, sending a chill down Hongjoong’s spine. Seonghwa is methodical as he spreads the bleach over his hair, and soon the room is filled with the stinging smell. 

Seonghwa pauses to open the small window and turn on the bathroom fan before he resumes painting Hongjoong’s head. 

“Is it supposed to sting?” Hongjoong asks, his scalp heating in uncomfortable pricks. 

“A little bit, yeah.” 

Just as Hongjoong starts to shift in his chair, dizzy with the smell of bleach and stinging skin, Seonghwa announces that he's done. Hongjoong turns towards him, the older staring down at the box that held the bleach.

“Now it has to sit for about 30 minutes.”

“Okay, what do you want to do?” 

“I guess we can just watch tv or something.” Seonghwa shrugs. 

They end up on the couch again, Hongjoong pulling out tubs of ice cream for them to share. They talk lightly while they eat, about what’s playing on the tv, or about random things, before they fall silent again. Hongjoong feels comfortable, humming around bites of the cold treat, but he can’t help but feel guilt seep through him.

“Seonghwa, I’m sorry.” He turns towards the older, who raises his eyebrows. 

“For what?” Seonghwa sets his ice cream down on the table in front of them.

“Well I told you tonight would be more fun than it sounded, but then Wooyoung had to leave, and I’m sure you stayed because you felt bad for me, but now I feel like I’m just boring you out of your mind.” 

Seonghwa frowns, “Why would you think I stayed because I felt bad for you?” 

“I mean I’m sure you have a lot more fun ways you could spend your Saturday, and now you’re stuck here helping me.” Hongjoong looks down, picking at a stray thread on the couch. 

“Hongjoong.” Seonghwa’s voice is firm, drawing Hongjoong’s attention to him again, “I didn’t stay because I felt bad for you. I stayed because I wanted to, and I’m not bored at all. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my Saturday than hanging out with you.” 

His eyes are warm and open as they look into Hongjoong’s, and Hongjoong’s chest tightens with shy affection. 

“Now come on, time’s up.” 

Seonghwa pats Hongjoong’s thigh before climbing off the couch, his skin tingling where he touched as he gets up to follow him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay blonde?” Seonghwa asks while Hongjoong’s busy turning his head in different ways and looking at himself in the mirror, his hair a pale yellow. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

Seonghwa guides him back to his chair, pulling on more gloves. Hongjoong’s eyes follow him as he wanders around the bathroom and gets the various products ready for the second phase. The bright blue looks daunting in the bowl, but then he remembers how freeing it feels to be able to choose to dye his hair, and the knot in his throat loosens. 

“Are you ready?” Seonghwa echoes his earlier words. 

“Yeah.” Hongjoong nods. 

The dye is cold again as Seonghwa starts lathering it onto his hair, but Hongjoong’s far more focused on the heat radiating off of the older as he stands close to him, nearly pressed against him.

“Have you ever dyed your hair?” Hongjoong asks after letting silence stretch between them for a couple minutes. 

“Yeah, a couple times. I played around with it when I was in high school mostly.”

“What’s your favorite color been?” 

“I think probably just what it is now.” 

Hongjoong blinks up at Seonghwa, who pauses his work, to remind himself of Seonghwa’s black hair.

“I think it looks really nice too.” Hongjoong tries to give Seonghwa one of the confident, composed compliments that the older so often doles out, but it ends up sounding quiet and shy. 

However, when a soft smile spreads across Seonghwa’s sharp features, Hongjoong can’t bring himself to regret it.

“So what made you want to dye your hair now?” Seonghwa asks, making casual conversation as he continues spreading blue over chunks of Hongjoong’s hair.

“I guess since I left home I’ve been trying more things that I didn’t get to before. My mom never really approved.”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned something about your mom before.” 

Hongjoong feels hesitation take hold, “Yeah, it’s kind of… complicated.” 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, it’s okay.” 

Hongjoong’s grateful for Seonghwa’s understanding, as well as the distraction of Seonghwa’s hands in his hair; it makes him inclined to open up to him, knowing he’s not pressured, but that Seonghwa cares. 

“It’s not that, I’ve just never talked to anyone but Wooyoung about it before. I guess I never really knew there was something to talk about until I met him.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Hongjoong takes a minute to think, summarizing his upbringing in his head, remembering how it felt to learn the flaws in almost everything he’d been taught. 

“Well my mom homeschooled me my whole life, all the way through high school. She raised me incredibly religious and sheltered, and I was always happy with that. We had a great relationship, and I never wanted to rebel or do things she didn’t approve of while I lived with her.” 

Seonghwa nods along while he talks, listening intently. “But?” He urges.

“But when I got here, I realized how toxic everything I’d been taught was, and how closed minded she’d raised me to be, how closed minded she is, and I don’t want to be that way.” 

“I think you’re really strong for challenging your own beliefs.” Seonghwa’s comment makes Hongjoong feel warm, spurring him on. 

“I struggled with a lot of shame and guilt and self loathing because of it. Especially when I started to have certain… urges, with myself and with Wooyoung.” 

“So you didn’t know you’re attracted to men before you came here?” 

“No, it had never even been an option. I hadn’t even had a crush before, but when I met you and Woo and San, everything just started changing. Everything that I’d been taught is wrong just felt normal with you guys, because you let me explore and experiment, and made me feel comfortable being myself, and finding out what that means, but then I felt so torn between myself and my mom and religion.” 

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. You should never have to feel ashamed for just being who you are.” 

Hongjoong’s lips pull up in a small, almost sad smile, “It’s a little easier now, but I still fight with myself every time I want to do something that I know goes against my mom. I can’t even major in what I want to because she doesn’t approve of it.” 

“Hongjoong, I don’t want to overstep my bounds, and it’s not my place to tell you how to live your life, but for what it’s worth, I think that the most important thing is you, and what makes you happy. It’s your life, not hers.” 

“I just don’t know how to not feel so guilty sometimes.” 

“I think if you’re not hurting anyone, and you’re being yourself, doing what makes you happy, then you have no reason to feel guilty. That’s not to say that you won’t feel that way, but just remember that you’re doing what’s best for you, and your mom should realize that too.” 

Hongjoong could swear he feels Seonghwa step even closer to him, the proximity as comforting as his words. 

“How do you just know exactly what to say?” Hongjoong looks up at Seonghwa again, graced with an amused smile. 

“I honestly feel like I never know what to say, but I try my best because I really care about you, and I’m always here for you if you need to talk.” 

“Thank you.” Hongjoong feels like he could cry with the gratitude swirling in his chest. “And you know what, you’re right.” 

“Right about what?” 

“I fucking hate business, I don’t want to do it anymore.” Hongjoong states, his sudden growing confidence coaxing a laugh out of Seonghwa. “I’m going to change my major to design.” 

Even saying the words out loud is freeing, and Hongjoong feels light with relief and courage and assurance. 

“I think that’s amazing.” Seonghwa agrees, and then his hands are gone from Hongjoong’s hair. “Okay, now this just has to sit for another 30 minutes and then we’re done.” 

Forty-five minutes later, Hongjoong’s standing in the bathroom, his back to the mirror, his hair freshly rinsed out and dried. 

“What?” He asks Seonghwa, who’s standing in front of him, eyeing him.

“See for yourself.” Seonghwa raises a hand, gesturing towards the mirror. 

Taking a deep breath, Hongjoong spins around and faces his reflection. In the grand scheme of things, the change is minor, but to Hongjoong it’s a world of difference, making him let out a small gasp. His body floods with happiness at how well the color suits him, at what the change represents. 

“I- I love it.” He says to no one in particular. 

“You really do look amazing.” Seonghwa agrees, turning Hongjoong’s ears pink. 

“Thank you.” Hongjoong smiles, taking another deep breath, “Okay, follow me.” 

Feeling on top of the world, he storms out of the bathroom and to his desk, Seonghwa on his heels. 

He logs into his student account, every movement purposeful, and submits a request to change his major, with Seonghwa’s supportive presence by his side. Once it’s done, he closes his laptop with finality, and he can’t help but feel like his life is truly starting. 

Seonghwa stays for a while longer, Hongjoong allowing himself to sit closer to him, letting his touches linger, an elated feeling fixed in him while they relax together. When Seonghwa announces that he should be going, Hongjoong thanks him a nearly unreasonable amount of times. Seonghwa waves him off every time, but Hongjoong thinks he can never truly explain or emphasize just how much he’s done for him. 

Hongjoong walks him to the door, and the older turns to face him when they reach it. 

“Thank you for talking to me tonight.” Seonghwa tells him. 

“Thank you for letting me.” Hongjoong smiles, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re an amazing listener?” 

“Maybe once or twice.” Seonghwa returns his smile. 

Hongjoong can only stare up at him, reluctant to just say goodbye and ignore the churning tenderness in his chest. 

His breath hitches when Seonghwa steps closer, and he falls against the older the second he opens his arms in invitation. He’s blanketed in warmth as Seonghwa wraps his arms around him, his own around his waist. Seonghwa’s addicting scent curls up, making Hongjoong’s head grow muddled as he sighs into the embrace. 

Seonghwa pulls back far too early, and Hongjoong immediately misses his touch, but his bright smile is just as warm. 

After Seonghwa leaves, and Hongjoong spends an embarrassing amount of time internally screaming over the events of the night, he moves to taking more selfies than he can remember ever taking, even posting one of his favorites on his instagram that had long since been abandoned. He goes back and forth between scrolling through social media and texting Seonghwa, talking to him about nothing while the other walks to his dorm, even the light conversation making Hongjoong’s stomach swirl with joy. 

He looks up when the door opens, Wooyoung walking in and toeing off his shoes.

“Hey, how’s San doing?” Hongjoong asks, setting his phone on his bedside table. 

“Oh he’s good, he just needed some cuddling and he was good as new.” 

Hongjoong’s relieved that Wooyoung seems okay, and with the news that San is okay too, it only adds to the exhilaration coursing through him. As he watches Wooyoung pull off his sweatshirt and toss it aside, his shirt riding up to reveal a strip of golden skin, it’s like something in him snaps. Emboldened by his hair, his talk with Seonghwa, his newfound courage, he strides up to Wooyoung, fists his hands in his shirt, and crashes their mouths together. 

Wooyoung’s surprise is shown through the gasp that’s pulled from his chest, and Hongjoong swallows it greedily, buzzing with the need to feel Wooyoung against him. He shoves his tongue down Wooyoung’s throat as the younger fights for control, leaving his shock behind as he pushes back against Hongjoong with matched intensity, fueling Hongjoong’s desire. 

His world falls away until all that’s left is Wooyoung’s lips on his and the far too many layers of clothes separating them. When he breaks the kiss to start tugging on Wooyoung’s shirt, the younger lets out a chuckle mixed with confusion and amusement. 

“Not that I’m complaining- like at all, but what’s gotten into you?”

Hongjoong pauses after managing to get Wooyoung’s shirt off and run his hands over his bare chest, fingers pressing against toned muscle and tanned skin. 

“I want you to fuck me.” 

Any amusement falls away from Wooyoung’s eyes as they darken.

“Shit- really? Someone’s confident.” His teasing lacks it’s usual bite. 

“I had a really good night, and now I want to make it even better by finding out what your cock feels like inside me. Any more questions?” Hongjoong emphasizes his words by reaching his hand down and palming Wooyoung through his jeans, smirking at the groan it pulls from him.

“Jesus fuck, Joong.” Wooyoung breathes, and then Hongjoong’s lips are on his again. 

Wooyoung guides them back towards his bed, but it’s Hongjoong that pushes him down onto it and crawls over him, kissing him deeply and searching his mouth with his tongue, insatiable need spreading through him like wildfire. 

He feels jittery, not used to being in control, to having Wooyoung under him, at his mercy, waiting and taking what he gives him. He pulls off his own shirt, and as he presses himself against Wooyoung there’s only one thought in his head; he wants to know what Wooyoung’s cock tastes like.

He kisses and sucks at Wooyoung’s chest, flicking his tongue over his nipples before continuing to move down, holding onto every gasp and moan he pulls from Wooyoung for dear life. He wastes no time tugging off Wooyoung’s jeans and boxers, pulling off his own confining jeans before settling over Wooyoung again. 

Hongjoong feels intimidation seep through the edges of his mind when he looks at Wooyoung’s cock, hard and red and leaking, but his eagerness drowns it out. He wraps his fingers around Wooyoung’s length, his own cock jumping when Wooyoung groans at the touch.

“Tell me what to do.” 

Wooyoung looks down at him, already debauched, and Hongjoong can’t wait to take him apart further. 

“Just ah- just watch your teeth, use your tongue, and use your hand for what you can’t reach.” Wooyoung summarizes breathily. 

Nodding, Hongjoong strokes him a couple of times, letting Wooyoung’s pleased moans fuel his courage as he experimentally licks the tip, Wooyoung jolting under him. His body is buzzing with anticipation as he wraps his lips around the head of Wooyoung’s cock, sinking down ever so slightly. 

When Wooyoung’s hands fly to the back of his head, tangling in his hair, Hongjoong hums around him, making Wooyoung’s hips jerk forward under him. Desperate to do a good job and make Wooyoung feel good, he starts bobbing his head, pulling back before sinking down again, taking more of his cock every time. 

It’s a new sensation, his mouth stuffed with cock, his senses filled with Wooyoung, but it’s one that he quickly gets used to and it makes his own cock ache in his boxers. When he takes too much in his mouth, Wooyoung’s cock hitting the back of his throat, he can’t help but gag, pulling off of him in reflex.

“It’s okay, just try to relax your throat. Don’t push yourself too far, you’re doing so well.” Wooyoung’s voice is low, his shaky words giving away how affected he is. 

Hongjoong takes him in his mouth again, his lips moving along his cock faster, remembering to relax his throat and take him in as far as he can before he gags. His other hand pumps the rest of his length, and his head starts to feel hazy as Wooyoung’s breathing grows heavy above him, his fingers gripping his hair. 

“Yeah, just like that, fuck.” Wooyoung groans. 

Hongjoong can’t think about anything but Wooyoung’s cock in his mouth, in his hand, and he swirls his tongue around the tip, the action sparking a loud reaction from Wooyoung. He takes him deeper in his throat, moves his hand around him faster, explores his length with his tongue, enjoying every second as it builds his own arousal.

“Joong- stop, wait.” 

Hongjoong pulls off of his dick, momentarily captivated by the trail of spit that connects from the tip to his lips, before it snaps, and he looks up at Wooyoung with wide eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Wooyoung smiles, his dark eyes hooded and chest flushed, “Nothing, just don’t want to come yet.”

Hongjoong pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, “Oh, right.” He can’t deny that pride that swells in his chest with the knowledge that he was going to make Wooyoung come. 

“Now it’s my turn baby.” Wooyoung smirks, promising and dangerous, before he pulls Hongjoong up and flips their positions, now hovering above him. 

He does the same as Hongjoong had done, licking down his chest, the wet press of his tongue searing against Hongjoong’s already heated skin. He pauses to suck one of Hongjoong’s nipples in his mouth, making his back arch off the bed at the spine tingling feeling. After licking and biting and pinching at Hongjoong’s nipples until he’s whining endlessly underneath him, Wooyoung moves down to the bulge in his boxers. 

He licks over Hongjoong’s length, soaking the fabric with his spit, making it stick to his cock in the most deliciously obscene way. His hands wander over Hongjoong’s thighs, up his stomach, teasing his skin while his tongue tortures his cock, so close to where he wants him but still holding back. 

Hongjoong lets out a relieved sigh when Wooyoung finally peels his boxers off, the air cool against his flushed skin. Wooyoung licks a stripe up his cock before wrapping his lips around the head, making Hongjoong cry out. He gives him no time to recover before he sinks down, taking all of him in his mouth. 

“Shit- woo that feels so good.” Hongjoong’s fingers pull Wooyoung’s hair as his eyes screw shut, the feeling of the younger’s wet hot mouth around him better than anything he’s ever felt. 

Wooyoung moves with confidence as he bobs his head on his cock, letting it hit the back of his throat before pulling up again. His tongue is nothing less than sinful as it runs over his length, the messy slide molten lava in his gut. He couldn’t keep his hips from bucking up into Wooyoung’s mouth if he tried, but the younger doesn’t seem to mind, content with letting him fuck his face. 

“Woo oh my god- gonna come.” Hongjoong pants, his body melting with pleasure as everything builds and cascades down his nerves until he’s trembling under Wooyoung.

Wooyoung hollows his cheeks and sinks down until his nose bumps against Hongjoong, who loses all semblance of thought as he comes hot down Wooyoung’s throat with a broken scream, stars behind his eyelids and magma flowing through him. Wooyoung sucks him through it, licking up every drop before pulling off of him. 

Hongjoong’s chest heaves as he tries to put thoughts and words together again, “Wow, you’re really good at that.” He laughs breathlessly.

“I’ve had some practice.” Wooyoung shrugs with a sly smile as he sits up and settles on Hongjoong’s thighs. “Can I come on you again?” 

Hongjoong’s eyes snap down to where Wooyoung’s stroking himself slowly, and he sits up on his elbows, “No. You still need to fuck me.” 

Wooyoung smirks, “Are you sure you can take it?”

Hongjoong bites his bottom lip, “I’m sure.” 

With his reassurance, Wooyoung leans down and kisses Hongjoong again, sloppy and needy. Hongjoong groans against Wooyoung’s lips, his dick already twitching as the younger presses himself against it. 

“Can you turn over for me baby?” Wooyoung whispers, his voice low. 

He moves back, letting Hongjoong flip over, helping maneuver him until he’s on his hands and knees. He feels oddly exposed, allowing Wooyoung to explore the part of him he’s only ever explored himself. He expects Wooyoung’s hands on his cheeks, but what he doesn’t expect is the wet slide of his tongue over his hole.

“Fuck!” He cries, the feeling new and overwhelming as his body lights up.

Wooyoung licks over his hole again and again, teasing the outside of his rim. When small whines start slipping through Hongjoong’s lips, Wooyoung pushes the tip of his tongue into him. Hongjoong gasps, his head hanging low as Wooyoung lets his tongue sink deeper into his hole, pulling it out before pressing it back in. 

“O- oh my god.” Hongjoong breathes, Wooyoung’s tongue wet and thick and hot inside him.

He whines again when Wooyoung pulls his tongue out of him, but it chokes off into a moan when he replaces it with a finger, the tip of it circling the rim. When he pushes it inside, the feeling is one Hongjoong’s familiar with, until it reaches farther than Hongjoong ever could himself, deep inside him as his body stretches around it.

“More, Woo- please.” He pleads.

He hears a deep chuckle behind him, but Wooyoung relents, taking his finger out before pushing two past his rim. Hongjoong moans with every thrust of his fingers, and Wooyoung drapes himself over him as he moves his hand, kissing his neck and down his spine. His lips and the slide of his fingers are heavenly, and Hongjoong can only press himself back against Wooyoung, trying to get his fingers deeper, babbling with pleasure. 

Hongjoong dives deeper into a haze as Wooyoung pauses to grab the bottle of lube, coating his fingers with it before pushing three into him. By the time he’s fucking them easily into his hole, Hongjoong feels like a puddle on the mattress, his mind frantic with the scorching heat in his body. His fingers reach deep in Hongjoong, but he craves more, aches for Wooyoung’s cock.

“Please fuck me Woo.” He cries, rocking back against his fingers. 

Wooyoung pulls his fingers out of him, making him miss the feeling of having something inside him as Wooyoung helps him flip back over. He lays on his back against the pillows, his shaking arms relieved. 

“Do you want to use a condom?” Wooyoung asks.

Hongjoong has to remember how to string words together as he catches his breath, “You don’t want to?” 

“I mean I’m clean, and I know you are, so it’s up to you.” 

Hongjoong’s arousal clouded brain latches onto the thought of feeling Wooyoung’s bare cock in him, and his throat tightens with how much he needs it. 

“Don’t use one.” 

Wooyoung smiles in affirmation as he grabs the lube again, dribbling it over his dick and pumping himself to spread it, a hiss escaping through his teeth. His hands grip Hongjoong’s thighs, spreading them apart and slotting himself in between them. Hongjoong holds his breath in anticipation. 

“Are you ready?” Wooyoung asks. 

Hongjoong’s eyes trail over Wooyoung’s dark eyes, down his golden skin covered with sweat, his mind reminding him that this is the last step towards sexual sin. The thought only makes him want it more, the empty feeling inside him far more important than anything else. His dick throbs as his body screams at him to get something inside it. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” 

The first press of Wooyoung’s cock against his rim makes Hongjoong’s breath hitch before a low gasp is pulled from his chest. As Wooyoung sinks his cock into his hole slowly, the stretch is more than Hongjoong’s ever felt, but the burn only makes his toes curl as he pulls Wooyoung closer, urging him deeper. Wooyoung stills when he’s fully seated inside Hongjoong, whose chest is heaving with every new sensation coursing through him. 

“Oh my god, your cock is so big, fuck-” 

Hongjoong can see Wooyoung’s composure slip away as he breathes heavily, hanging his head over Hongjoong’s chest. 

“Move, please.”

Wooyoung pulls out of him before thrusting in again, the slow drag against Hongjoong’s walls making his head spin. He lets Hongjoong get used to the feeling until his nails are digging into his skin, pleas falling from his lips, his hips rocking against Wooyoung in search of more. 

The first time Wooyoung slams into Hongjoong he cries out, body on fire with the feeling of the younger’s thick cock so deep inside him. Stray tears leak from his eyes at the onslaught of pleasure more all consuming than anything he’s felt before. 

“Fuck- Joong, you look so pretty, crying for my cock, you take it so well, your ass feels so good around me.” Wooyoung growls, every word punching heat into Hongjoong’s chest. 

Wooyoung sets up a brutal pace, fucking roughly into Hongjoong who never stops begging for more, even as he feels full to the brim with cock. Wooyoung lifts his legs, making him hit Hongjoong’s prostate with every deep thrust, Hongjoong reduced to a mess of pleasure as he lets out endless pleas and moans. 

Without stopping the abuse to Hongjoong’s prostate, Wooyoung leans over him, attaching his lips to his neck. The small heated pinches as Wooyoung sucks marks into his skin make Hongjoong dizzy in a way that he never wants to stop. Wooyoung’s skin is hot under Hongjoong’s wandering hands as the younger bites and licks and sucks down his neck, at his collarbones, under his jaw. 

It’s all too much for Hongjoong, his own cock throbbing with neglect as his body burns with pleasure from Wooyoung fucking into him. He meets Wooyoung’s every thrust, panting and moaning, crying out so loud there’s no way they won’t get noise complaints, but that’s the last thing on his pleasure muddled mind. 

As Hongjoong approaches the edge, everything building, there’s one thought that pervades the chorus of  _ Wooyoung, cock, full, harder. _

“W-Woo, want to ride you.” He manages through labored breaths. 

“Shit, okay.” Wooyoung pulls out of him, making him whine in protest, before they shift until Wooyoung’s laying under him. 

Hongjoong spreads more lube over Wooyoung before straddling him, lining his cock up with his hole. When he lets himself sink down onto it until he’s fully seated on him, it’s impossibly deeper, fuller, making his eyes roll back. Their combined moans mix together, the sound loud and lewd as they’re both lost to their bliss. 

Hongjoong lifts up, his hands on Wooyoung’s chest to steady himself. He drops down again, the slick slide even more delicious than before as he moves faster, fucking himself on Wooyoung’s cock, using it to pleasure himself. 

“You look so good on my cock.” Wooyoung praises, his fingers digging into Hongjoong’s thighs. 

“Ah- Woo, harder please-” Hongjoong can’t stop from pleading for more. 

Wooyoung snaps his hips up into Hongjoong, stealing his breath, the feeling everything he needs. 

“Oh. fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, right there, oh my god!” Hongjoong cries. 

His chest heaves as Wooyoung fucks up into him, the slap of their skin filling the room, Hongjoong’s senses filled with the smell of Wooyoung and sex, his body overcome with pleasure as he lets himself lose all thought to it. 

“Gonna come.” He pants.

Wooyoung’s hands grip his hips hard enough to bruise as he snaps his hips up into him, relentless against his prostate.

“Come on my cock, baby.” Wooyoung growls.

Hongjoong screams as his building pleasure spills over, coming untouched over Wooyoung’s chest. White blooms in his vision as he’s consumed with fire, his mouth hanging open as he swims through euphoria. As he comes back down, Wooyoung’s stilled, cock still nestled inside him.

“Please, want your come in me.” He whimpers.

“Shit- Joong, fuck!” Wooyoung pounds into him, unraveling underneath Hongjoong. 

He comes with a scream, Hongjoong feeling it hot and wet inside him, making him moan. Wooyoung pants as he recovers from his high, falling limp against the bed. When Hongjoong pulls off of him, he feels his come slide out of his hole and down his thighs, and it’s the filthiest thing he’s ever felt, but he’s already addicted to it. He lays next to Wooyoung with a huff, his body heavy and sated as it buzzes with the aftershocks of pleasure. 

“Oh my god.” He breathes. 

He turns his head towards Wooyoung with a wide smile, the younger beaming at him in return.

“Everything you thought it would be?” He asks. 

“Fuck- so much more.”

“I’m glad.” 

“I guess you really can come more than once.” Hongjoong comments, Wooyoung giggling in response.

“Yeah, you can.”

Hongjoong turns over and drapes himself over Wooyoung, his head on his chest and their legs tangled, the younger wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Wooyoung’s heat seeps into Hongjoong, the feeling calming, making his eyes slip closed. 

“Do you normally cuddle with people after you have sex with them?” Hongjoong asks, tucking his nose under Wooyoung’s jaw. 

“Not usually. Just Sannie, but me and you live in the same room anyways, so why not.” 

Satisfied with his answer, Hongjoong burrows closer to him, letting out a sigh as he relaxes fully. He feels pleasantly exhausted, his mind quickly toeing the line between sleep and consciousness. Wooyoung pulls his comforter over both of them, Hongjoong smiling with the comfortable warmth.

“Thank you Woo.” Hongjoong whispers, unsure exactly what he’s referring to, but knowing he has so much to thank him for. 

Wooyoung responds with a hum, wrapping his arms tighter around him as they both drift to sleep. 

  
  


Hongjoong is dragged from his sleep by a loud ceaseless banging, the sound bouncing around in his head, keeping him from closing his eyes and being pulled out of consciousness again. With a grumble, he blinks his eyes open, realizing what the banging is, and he looks at Wooyoung still snoring next to him.

“Woo.” He jostles his roommate, who frowns and mumbles at him to go away.

“Woo go open the door.” He shoves him again. 

“You open it.” Wooyoung frowns, shoving him back and turning on his side. 

“You’re closer.” Hongjoong pokes him. 

Another round of loud banging makes them both jolt.

“Ugh, fine.” Wooyoung groans, crawling off the bed and heading towards the door.

“Wooyoung.” Hongjoong calls, his roommate turning back towards him in question, “You’re naked.” 

With an exaggerated sigh, Wooyoung grabs a pair of boxers off the floor and pulls them on before continuing to the door. Hongjoong’s going to advise that his roommate doesn’t answer the door with only a pair of boxers on, but he ends up just shrugging and laying back against the pillows, letting Wooyoung do what he wants. 

Hongjoong’s eyes are just starting to close, his brain shutting off again, when he hears his mom’s voice alongside Wooyoung’s, and he jolts up, his blood running cold. His mom’s standing in the doorway, her eyes snapping to meet Hongjoong’s, and it’s only then that he realizes he’s directly in her line of sight, clearly naked in what she knows is Wooyoung’s bed, only a blanket covering his lower half, fully aware that his neck and chest are covered with hickies. 

He feels like his heart stops, and he doesn’t breathe, nobody in the room moving. Until Wooyoung stammers out an ‘excuse me’ and slams the door in Hongjoong’s mom’s face. 

Hongjoong jumps out of bed, immediately pacing, running a hand through his messy hair, “Oh my god, what am I supposed to do now.” He mumbles to himself. 

“Hongjoong.” Wooyoung tries to get his attention. 

His mom knows what they did, what’s she going to think, what’s she going to say?

“Hongjoong.” Wooyoung calls louder.

She’ll know he lied, he’ll never be able to face her again, he’ll have to-

“Hongjoong!” Wooyoung grips his shoulders, forcing him to stop pacing, making him look at him. “It’s okay, just breathe.” 

Hongjoong takes in a shaky breath, and doesn’t feel any more calm. 

“You have to go talk to her.” 

Hongjoong lets his shoulders fall, accepting that Wooyoung’s right. He sighs, running to the bathroom to scrub the come off his thighs before returning and grabbing random clothes off the ground. He vaguely recognizes the sweatshirt he tugs on as Wooyoung’s. He stops by the door to put on his shoes, every ounce of him begging him not to leave the room. 

“It was nice knowing you.” He calls to Wooyoung. 

“You’ll be okay. I’ll be here when you get back.” Wooyoung answers, his sincerity touching. 

It brings the slightest hint of a smile to Hongjoong lips before he takes a deep breath and steps out the door. 

His mom is sitting at one of the chairs in the hallway, her face completely blank. He walks up hesitantly, looking at anything but her. 

“We need to talk.” She tells him, her voice cold. 

“Okay, do you want to get some coffee- er I mean, uh, we can just go there to talk?” He cringes when his words waver. 

“Alright.” She agrees without emotion, standing and gesturing for him to lead the way.

It’s silent as they make their way through the campus, the tension tightening Hongjoong’s muscles maddening. His mind runs wild with what his mom will possibly say. He tries to tell himself it’ll be okay, that she’ll understand, but he fails at convincing himself. 

When they get to the coffee shop, Hongjoong orders himself a cup, figuring if he has to endure this conversation he at least deserves some caffeine in his system. Once he has his drink, they find a table that’s relatively secluded, giving them a semblance of privacy to talk. As Hongjoong sits across from his mom, he’s drowned in the realization that he’s never felt this nervous around her, in fact, he’s never felt nervous around her at all. Before now he’s never felt the burning shame of a child caught red handed and scorned. 

“Will you please tell me what I just saw in your room?” His mom starts, her voice tighter than Hongjoong’s ever heard it. 

Hongjoong feels a guilty blush spread across his cheeks, “I- nothing, it was nothing.”    
  
He can’t bring himself to voice any truth regarding what he did with Wooyoung. 

“And those bruises all over your neck, that’s nothing too?” His mom bites. 

Hongjoong lowers his head, “No, it’s not nothing.” He relents. 

“What’s gotten into you lately?” His mom’s voice is flooded with accusation and disapproval. 

“N-nothing.” 

Her lips pull down in a frustrated frown, her eyebrows furrowed, “Do not lie to me, Hongjoong. You already have enough.” 

Her words dig painfully into Hongjoong’s chest, taking his already deep seated shame and multiplying it infinitely. 

“I just- I let off some steam with Wooyoung, it didn’t mean anything.” Hongjoong feels flimsy, unable to defend himself.

“It doesn’t mean anything?” His mom’s voice is ice, “Don’t you realize what it means?” She pauses, her frozen eyes boring into Hongjoong’s, “I came here because I saw that your major changed, and I wanted to know if that was a mistake, and you weren’t answering your phone, but now I realize you’ve made more than just that mistake.”

Hongjoong stays silent, any fight in him dissipating.

“I went to your church, and they told me you haven’t been going for weeks now. You’ve abandoned church, you’re drinking coffee, you dyed your hair, changed your major. All of these things could be forgiven, but now I find out that my son had sex with a man.”

Hongjoong shakes in his chair as he has all of his decisions thrust in his face, and he feels like he’s breaking apart when he watches tears pool in his mom’s eyes. 

“Did I do something wrong? Are you trying to disappoint me, is this punishment? I don’t even know who you are anymore. You aren’t my son. My son would never betray me like this. My son would never betray God.” 

A tear streams down his mom’s cheek, and Hongjoong runs cold. 

“No, mom I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- I just, there were so many things that I wanted to try, and it was so hard not to, but it was all a mistake. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” 

He can’t think about how confident he’d been in his decision to do what makes him happy, can’t remember how much he didn’t regret the things he’d done with Wooyoung and their friends, can’t process anything beyond the burning guilt choking his throat. 

“I never should've let you come here.” His mom states, and it's the final straw that breaks Hongjoong before she gets up and leaves the coffee shop without another word. 

Hongjoong walks back to his room in a haze, feeling like his world is crumbling down around him, nothing left salvageable in the rubble. 

When he steps in the door he can only stay frozen where he stands, Wooyoung approaching him immediately. 

“Hey, are you okay? What did she say?” Wooyoung’s voice is soft, but Hongjoong can't register it.

Even though his mom’s words have been playing on repeat nonstop, he can't voice a single thing that she said to him, every memory like a nightmare. 

Wooyoung seems to sense how distressed he is, and he steps forward, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. The embrace relaxes Hongjoong, makes him feel safe, until he's reminded that it shouldn't. 

He shoves Wooyoung back roughly, “Don’t touch me.” He snarls. 

Wooyoung’s features fall into pure hurt and shock, and Hongjoong thinks the piercing sting that shoots through him is exactly what he deserves. He takes every ounce of pain that his mom instilled into him and throws it onto what’s become his best friend.

“You know what, this is all your fault.”

Wooyoung’s eyes harden at the statement, “Excuse me?” 

Hongjoong builds his defenses as high as he can manage, convincing himself that what he’s saying is true. 

“My mom hates me now. She basically disowned me, and it’s your fault.” His words hold a weight that crushes him as he spits them out. 

“How is it my fault?” Wooyoung’s words are slow, calculated, like he’s holding himself back.

Hongjoong feels his frustration grow, the swirling storm of confusion and pain and guilt fueling him, “If you never would’ve pushed me into doing all of those things that I shouldn’t have done, then none of this would’ve happened!” He gestures around the room wildly, his voice rising with his anger; at himself, as his mom, and now directed at Wooyoung. 

“Don’t you dare put that on me, Hongjoong.” Wooyoung glares at him, fire in his eyes, his words tight with rage, “You wanted everything we did. You told me it would never be my fault. You don’t get to turn around and pin this on me now that you got caught.” 

“I only thought I wanted it because of you!” Hongjoong cries, “I never wanted any of that messed up shit before I met you.” 

Hongjoong sees the way his words sting Wooyoung, the way he stiffens, the anger in his eyes shifting into pure betrayal, and he knows he went too far. He’d meant to push him away, and now he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to get him back. Maybe that’s for the best. 

“I’m sorry your mom won’t accept you for who you are, and I’m sorry you can’t accept yourself either, but I was the only one to allow you to be who you really are. Even if you can’t see it, there was nothing wrong with who you were, and there sure as hell isn’t anything wrong with who I am.” 

With Wooyoung’s venom filled words hanging in the air, the younger turns on his heel and leaves the room, the door slamming behind him with a resounding thud. 

  
  


Hongjoong stands fuming in the middle of the room after Wooyoung leaves, until the dam breaks and he has to choke back a sob. He stumbles back, landing on his bed, the world swimming with his flowing tears. His head ends up in his hands as he cries, his chest heaving as he drowns in the gravity of everything that’s happened in the course of a couple hours. 

He falls onto his side, his face pressed into his pillow, his chest constricting until he feels like he’s being crushed, sobbing until he can’t anymore. When his tears finally dry up, the empty feeling hasn’t lessened, and he lays motionless, staring at the wall as his mind runs wild. He can’t forget the way Wooyoung looked at him before he left, or the way his mom’s words were dripping in disgusted disappointment, and now he’s lost them both. 

With a frustrated groan, he finally drags himself out of bed and to his desk, determined to let schoolwork drown out his endless thoughts. He tries to block everything else out and focus on his assignments, but the tightness in his throat won’t let him breathe and the chaos in his head won’t let him think. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes again, and he shoves away from his desk. 

His body moves before his mind catches up, and he pulls his shoes on before walking out the door, the sky dark as he walks into the night. His feet carry him across campus on the now familiar path towards Seonghwa’s dorm, the only option left to preserve his sanity being getting the thoughts screaming at him out of his mind, and his level headed friend is the best person he can think of to help him. 

A small part of him argues that Seonghwa is just as responsible for what happened with his mom as Wooyoung is, but Hongjoong stamps it down. Seonghwa only ever gave him advice, and was an ear to listen to him, but he’d never done the things Wooyoung did with him. The biased jury in his head rules Seonghwa innocent, and with it he reaches his door, knocking on the wood before he can talk himself out of it. 

Seonghwa opens the door, looking like the epitome of comfort and everything that Hongjoong needs. His hair is messy, sweatpants low on his hips, his eyes wide with surprise. 

“Oh, Hongjoong, hi!” Seonghwa greets. 

Hongjoong would normally kick himself for not being able to keep it together in front of his friend, but he couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in his eyes again if he tried, his bottom lip trembling. Seonghwa’s eyes melt into soft understanding, and he opens his arms. Hongjoong crushes himself against the older with a sigh of relief followed by another quiet sob, and he vaguely registers Seonghwa closing the door before his arms wrap around him. 

He feels warmth radiate into every fiber of his being as he presses his face against Seonghwa’s chest, focusing on the feeling of his hands rubbing his back soothingly. Seonghwa’s scent surrounds him, only adding to the warmth that calms him more than anything else could. 

Seonghwa lets Hongjoong cling to him as long as he needs, lets him cry into the soft material of his shirt until only sniffles are left. Only when Hongjoong lets his hands loosen slightly does Seonghwa move to pull back, still holding onto Hongjoong but able to look him in the eye. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, his voice impossibly soft. 

Hongjoong nods, bringing his hand up to wipe the tears off of his face, only to realize that he’s still wearing Wooyoung’s sweatshirt, the smell of him clinging to it. It makes more tears spring up in his eyes, followed by frustration that he’s acting like a teenager that got dumped, when they hadn’t even been together. He finds that the pain stems from the memory of his best friend that most likely wants nothing to do with him now, and he doesn’t blame him. 

“Fuck- I’m sorry, I just, I’m still wearing his sweatshirt.” Hongjoong’s humorless laugh is wet with tears as he throws his hands up before letting them fall at his sides again. 

“Do you want to borrow one of mine?” Seonghwa asks, and despite the fact that he must be beyond confused about what Hongjoong’s saying, he doesn’t hesitate to do everything he can to make him comfortable, the realization settling pleasantly in Hongjoong’s chest. 

“Please, i-if that’s okay.” 

Seonghwa nods, and leads him to the couch before hurrying off to his dresser. He comes back with a large hoodie in hand, offering it to Hongjoong and turning around while he changes. Hongjoong tosses Wooyoung’s sweatshirt aside, pulling Seonghwa’s over his head, the sleeves falling well over his fingers. 

It comes close to the warmth he feels when Seonghwa hugs him, his scent surrounding him, the soft material heaven against his skin, and despite everything it still makes butterflies erupt in his stomach. He tells Seonghwa it’s okay to turn around, the older taking the space next to him on the couch. 

“Thank you…” Hongjoong whispers.

“Of course.” Seonghwa smiles, and Hongjoong almost believes that his smile alone could solve every single problem he’s ever had. 

Hongjoong curls in on himself, trying to put the events of the day and the turmoil of his feelings into words to start the conversation. He startles when Seonghwa puts a hand on his back, but relaxes before he can remove it. A small smile tugs at his lips as he finds that he can think a little clearer with Seonghwa, and he shifts closer until his thigh is touching the older’s. Seonghwa responds by draping his arm fully across his shoulders, Hongjoong sighing into the warm embrace. 

“So what happened?” Seonghwa asks, and Hongjoong crashes right back down to earth, the blow softened by Seonghwa’s unending patience and comfort. 

After taking a shaky breath, Hongjoong dives into the explanation. However twisted his words are, he conveys what happened between him and Wooyoung, the things they did together, although the tips of his ears grow hot when he briefly describes it, up until his mom showed up at his door and caught him red handed, resulting in all of the things she said to him. 

By the time he’s finished, the reality of everything that’s happened makes him feel dizzy with worry, with remorse and confusion. His eyes feel dry, but his body feels empty as he waits for Seonghwa to digest everything he told him. 

“Hongjoong..” Seonghwa’s voice is quiet, like he’s trying not to spook him, “Did you really not want to do any of the things you did with Wooyoung?” 

Hongjoong’s instinct is to defend what he’d told his friend, and grasp at the straws that are his scapegoat for dear life, but when he looks at Seonghwa, the knowing yet kind look in his eyes, devoid of any judgment, he lets out his breath at once, his shoulders falling. 

“No, I did want to, he never made me do anything. I know it wasn’t his fault, it just- fuck it was easier to blame him than to accept that my mom was right about everything.” 

Seonghwa takes Hongjoong’s hand in his free one, tracing the back of it with his thumb, “Well even if it’s true that you wanted to do the things you did, that still doesn’t mean that what your mom said was right.” 

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong holds onto Seonghwa’s every word with everything in him, desperate for his advice and calm wisdom. 

“I’m saying that what your mom told you isn’t true, and that’s what Wooyoung’s been trying to help you see. There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you and Wooyoung did, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with changing your major to something you’re passionate about, or expressing yourself in ways that make you confident and comfortable.” 

He pauses, turning fully towards Hongjoong, “You should never apologize for being who you are. I wish your mom would accept you, but even if she doesn’t I think you should do what makes you happy, not what makes her happy. It’s your life, not hers. You’re such a beautiful person Hongjoong, you just need to stop punishing yourself for it.” 

Seonghwa’s voice is gentle but filled with conviction, and his eyes are hardened with importance as he searches over Hongjoong’s features. Hongjoong feels close to tears for an entirely different reason, his chest too full with gratitude and affection. Seonghwa’s words dig deep into his being, resonating until he can’t help but feel convinced that what he’s saying is true. 

Driven by the sheer happiness buzzing through him, caught in a haze of magnetism, Hongjoong leans forward and captures Seonghwa’s lips with his. It’s like the world stops spinning around him, everything frozen in time as he lets the warmth from Seonghwa’s lips bleed into him and melt him from the inside. 

He jolts back with a gasp, Seonghwa looking as surprised as he feels, his lips still parted. 

“Oh my god- I’m so sorry, shit… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry.” He hangs his head low, shame burning behind his eyes. 

He doesn’t know what he feels anymore, what he wants or what he thinks. Nothing makes sense, and he feels like he could scream. 

“Hongjoong.” Seonghwa calls out to him softly, turning his face towards him with a finger on his chin when he doesn’t respond. 

Hongjoong searches Seonghwa’s eyes, but doesn’t find any anger or disgust. 

“It’s okay.” Seonghwa assures him.

“But it’s not okay. I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I want. I don’t even know what I feel, I’m so confused.” 

“It’s okay, just take it one step at a time. Everything will work out, just breathe.” 

Hongjoong follows his instructions, taking a deep breath, not feeling a whole lot different, and waiting for what Seonghwa will say next. 

“So first of all, do you like Wooyoung?” 

“No.” Hongjoong answers without hesitation, “I love him, he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I hate myself for hurting him, but I wasn’t lying when I said what we were doing together was just for fun. I don’t like him like that.” 

“Okay, that’s good. So it seems like you’re not confused about him.” Seonghwa nods.

“But I’m confused about what to do. He’ll never forgive me, I was awful to him.” 

“Wooyoung feels things deeply. He doesn’t hide his feelings, and he’s quick to react, but he has a huge heart, and if there’s one thing I know he’s capable of, it’s forgiveness. I would know.” 

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong asks, following his curiosity, if Seonghwa will let him. 

“When I first met Wooyoung, I fell hard for him. I knew he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I let myself develop feelings for him anyway. When the truth came out and he tried to let me down easy, I didn’t take it very well. I hadn’t really been in a relationship before, and I said some things to him that I didn’t mean, and that I’m not proud of. But when I came to my senses, I apologized, and he forgave me. Now our friendship is all the closer for it.”

Hongjoong listens to Seonghwa’s explanation with the utmost attention. He knows the older had hinted at what happened before, but now hearing the full story, with its similarities to his own situation, he feels a spark of hope, alongside a twinge of guilt that he put Wooyoung through the same misguided pain. 

“Just talk to him. It’ll work out.” Seonghwa concludes for him, seeming fully confident in his statement. 

“O-okay, I will. Thank you.” Hongjoong gives him a small nod, a faint smile on his lips. 

“Second,” Seonghwa continues, “How do you feel about your mom and what she said?” 

Hongjoong takes a minute to process his thoughts, “Well at first I thought she was right, but I- I think I was just scared. She’s been all I’ve ever known for my whole life, but I think that in and of itself is wrong. I’ve been happier here, with you and Wooyoung and San, than I ever was before I left home.”

“So what do you want to do?” Seonghwa prompts.

“I… I don’t know.” Hongjoong sighs, “I can’t just cut her off. She’s my mom…” He tapers off, his voice quiet. “What should I do?” He looks at Seonghwa like he holds the answers to the universe, which in his eyes, he does. 

“Ultimately it’s between you and her, but I think you should put yourself first, don’t change your major back to business, keep doing what makes you happy, and then worry about her second. Try reasoning with her, talking to her. Try to salvage the relationship, but don’t let her convince you to neglect yourself again.” 

Seonghwa makes everything sound so simple, makes his worries seem so easily solved. Hongjoong supposes maybe they can be, while he has Seonghwa by his side. 

“Okay yeah, that sounds good, I can do that.” Hongjoong lets resolve lodge in him.

“I think that’s a good decision.” Seonghwa smiles, soft and sweet. 

Hongjoong could get lost in his smile, in the bright sparkle in his eyes, his mind spinning with attraction, but he’s snapped out of his thoughts when Seonghwa continues. 

“And finally, how do you feel about me?” Seonghwa’s voice is lower, making a shiver run up Hongjoong’s spine.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” Hongjoong breathes, his heart beating out of his chest.

“Why did you kiss me?” 

“I don’t know, I just wanted to.” Hongjoong’s head feels fuzzy. 

Seonghwa leans in, breath ghosting over Hongjoong’s lips, “Do you want to do it again?” 

Instead of answering, Hongjoong closes the gap, pressing his lips to Seonghwa’s firmly. Seonghwa hums low in his chest, meeting Hongjoong with equal passion, letting their lips slide together, the heat making Hongjoong’s pulse race. He slides his tongue along Seonghwa’s bottom lip, the other groaning deeply before he breaks the kiss, leaning back. Hongjoong can’t help but pout, his breathing heavy. 

“We need to talk about us.” Seonghwa says, regret audible in his words, “What do you want us to be?” 

Hongjoong gulps, reeling in his desire in an attempt to think clearly, “I really don’t know. All I know is that I love being around you. You make me happy, and I like the way I feel when I’m with you. I like who I am when I’m with you.” 

The pure happiness shining in Seonghwa’s eyes at Hongjoong’s words is breathtaking, “How about you take some time. Figure some things out, resolve things with your mom and Wooyoung, and then we can talk about our relationship and what you want again.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Hongjoong nods, his eyes flitting down to Seonghwa’s full lips, “But right now, I really want to kiss you again.” 

“God, I can’t say no to you.” Seonghwa groans, and that’s enough for Hongjoong. 

He lurches forward, Seonghwa’s lips soft and addicting when he crashes his against them again. Seonghwa tangles his fingers in Hongjoong’s hair, tilting his head to let their lips slot together, Hongjoong moaning and pressing closer. He climbs onto Seonghwa’s lap, his thighs caging him in as he plunges his tongue into his mouth. 

Seonghwa’s hands feel big when they grab his slim waist, pulling him closer, Hongjoong lighting up with desire as he drowns in everything Seonghwa; his taste, his smell, his touch. He wants to stay submerged and never surface, but he’s snapped out of his haze of arousal and need by the front door opening and closing, heavy footsteps following. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa break apart, Hongjoong’s eyes widening when he sees San pacing across the room, running an agitated hand through his hair. He turns towards them when he feels their eyes on him. 

“I’m sorry guys, I really don’t mean to interrupt, I just- I needed somewhere to go to clear my head. You can just forget that I’m here.”

Hongjoong’s thoroughly confused as San turns away and climbs into Seonghwa’s bed, pulling the covers over himself and facing the wall. Hongjoong didn’t fail to notice the tears that started to stream down his cheeks before he laid down, or the way his shoulders started shaking once he did. Hongjoong turns towards Seonghwa again, the older’s hands frozen where they’re still placed on his waist, his grip tightened slightly, his eyes wide and concerned as they look at San’s unmoving form. 

“I’ve… I’ve never seen him cry before…” Seonghwa whispers, more to himself than to Hongjoong, his voice small. 

He taps his hand on Hongjoong’s thigh, urging him to climb off of his lap. Once he does, Seonghwa’s by San’s side in a second, rubbing his back and speaking softly. 

“Sannie, hey, what happened?” 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” San’s voice is muffled by the blanket, but Hongjoong can still hear him from where he’s sitting on the couch. 

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me, but I’m here for you, and you might feel better if you talk about it.” Seonghwa speaks gently, and Hongjoong knows first hand how he seems to always know the right thing to say, the way he has the ability to make people feel inclined to open up to him, the way it’s so easy to trust him.

Sure enough, San shuffles until he’s sitting up, facing Seonghwa, the blanket pooled in his lap. Hongjoong’s chest tightens when he sees San’s red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. Before San can start telling Seonghwa why he’s upset, Hongjoong stands from the couch. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just going to go, I don’t want to intrude.” He speaks sheepishly as he makes his way towards the door.

“Wait,” San’s nasally voice stops him in his tracks, “stay, please.” 

“Oh, are you sure?” Hongjoong asks, San nodding in response and scooting closer to Seonghwa, making room next to him on the small bed. 

Hongjoong sits in the space, wrapping his arm around San’s waist while Seonghwa runs his fingers through San’s hair. San’s still sniffling quietly, more tears rolling down his face. 

“What happened Sannie?” Seonghwa repeats, his tone delicate. 

San takes a shaky breath, “Well Wooyoung came over earlier, and I could tell he was upset about something, but he just told me he didn’t want to talk about it.” He pauses to collect himself with a few more sniffles, and Hongjoong feels a pang of shame go through him, aware that he’s the reason Wooyoung was so upset. He ignores the thought for the time being as San continues. 

“He said he just wanted to forget about everything, so he wanted to- and we uh- we had sex. And then we were cuddling, and I was so happy, and I’d been meaning to tell him for a while but I couldn’t figure out how, and then it just came out. I told him that I want to be more than friends with benefits, that I want him to be my boyfriend, and that’s why all my dates have gone bad, because I have feelings for him.” 

San interrupts himself with a choked off cry, both Seonghwa and Hongjoong holding onto him a little tighter, listening intently.

“H-he got s-so mad. He said that I should know he doesn’t want a relationship, and w-why would I try to ruin what we have like that, and then he just left.” He breaks down, pressing his face in Seonghwa’s chest while he sobs. 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong hold onto him, letting him cry until he runs out of tears. They softly shush him and rub his back until he wipes his face, breathing deeply and somewhat composing himself. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay San-ah.” Seonghwa assures him. 

“But he hates me!” San cries, “Our relationship is ruined. How is that okay?”

“San,” Hongjoong interjects, “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Wooyoung could never hate you. You two are best friends, there’s no way that’s ruined.” 

“I don’t know if I can go back to just being his best friend, so I don’t know what will happen to us.” San sounds defeated, hopeless. 

“I think what happened isn’t just about you.” Seonghwa mentions. 

“What do you mean?” 

Seonghwa looks to Hongjoong, silently asking how much he’s comfortable disclosing about what happened between them. 

“Before Wooyoung went to find you, me and him had a fight, and I said some really hurtful things. That’s what he was upset about, so I’m sure he reacted a lot more harshly than he normally would. It’s not your fault, it’s mine.” 

Hongjoong avoids San’s gaze as he explains, shame falling over him while he admits that he hurt someone all three of them care about deeply in different ways. San only blinks at him, taking in what he’s saying and deciphering how it changes the situation. 

“So I think that once you both calm down and are more level headed, you need to sit down and talk about how you feel. Just be honest, and it’ll be okay.” Seonghwa offers his advice. 

“What am I supposed to do if he says the same thing? I don’t know if I can take his rejection again.” San’s face falls. 

“I know Wooyoung loves you, and doesn’t want to hurt you, but you need to be ready for the possibility that he still doesn’t want a relationship. Then you could either try to wait until he is, or do your best to get over your romantic feelings.” 

“I guess you’re right.” San agrees, “God, how did this become such a mess? I wish I would’ve just never said anything.” 

“While your timing could’ve been a little better, I think keeping your feelings bottled up isn’t the answer either. You’d need to talk about it sooner or later.” Seonghwa says, Hongjoong nodding along. 

“Everything will work out Sannie.” Hongjoong tells him, mustering as much confidence as he can. 

It’s the first time he’s called the younger the nickname, but it felt right, and if the smile San gives him is anything to go by, San doesn’t have any complaints either. Hongjoong’s surprised when San throws himself into his arms, pulling him close in a tight hug before releasing him and doing the same to Seonghwa. 

“Thank you guys.” He looks between them, seeming far more relaxed than he has been since he stormed in the door. 

“Of course, we’re always here for you.” Hongjoong replies.

“So are we going to talk about what you guys were doing when I walked in?” San asks, his voice returning to it’s teasing tone. 

“Maybe later.” Seonghwa chuckles, his cheeks dusted pink. “Do you want to watch a movie?” 

San lights up at the idea, and the three of them pile onto the couch with promises of both San and Hongjoong talking to Wooyoung soon. While they turn on a movie, tangling together with San cuddled between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, Hongjoong feels infinitely better than before he sought Seonghwa’s advice. He still has a lot to work through, but now, he has another best friend and potentially more than a friend by his side, and most importantly, he has hope. 

  
  


Despite the relief that both San and Hongjoong had gotten from their conversation, the next couple days are miserable, to say the least. Neither of them can muster the courage to talk to Wooyoung, who gives both of them the cold shoulder, avoiding them at all costs. Hongjoong doesn’t see the younger in their room, he doesn’t know if he even goes there to eat or sleep. His guilt grows with every day that he doesn’t make it up to Wooyoung and fix things between them. 

One yet another day that Hongjoong is sitting in front of his laptop racking his brain for a way to talk to Wooyoung, his roommate still nowhere to be found, his phone lights up where it’s sitting on the desk. He sits up straighter when it’s a text from Wooyoung, but his heart jumps to his throat when he reads it. 

**[Wow, I know you don’t like me, but I didn’t think you’d actually try to kick me out of our room.]**

Hongjoong’s head spins, beyond confused about what Wooyoung’s referring to, but his heart speeding up at the thought of unknowingly doing something to further jeopardize what’s left of their friendship. 

**[Woo, I’m so sorry, but I’m really confused. What are you talking about?]**

Hongjoong bites his nail while he waits for reply, his anxiety skyrocketing with every passing minute. His message switches to read and there’s still nothing. He slumps into his chair, letting his head fall onto the desk with a thud, hopelessness cascading over him. 

As he sits in his self deprecation, constantly berating himself over the fact that this all could’ve been so easily avoided if he’d just gotten his head out of his ass sooner, it hits him. He jolts up, grabbing his phone and typing in the familiar number, tapping his foot while it rings. 

“Hongjoong?” His mom’s voice greets him, lacking its usual warmth. 

“What did you do?” Hongjoong fires back, skipping the pleasantries that he’s not in the mood for.

“Excuse me?” 

“Wooyoung texted, saying something about me getting him to move out of the room, but I have no idea what he’s talking about, so what did you do?” 

His mom sighs, resigned, “I did what had to be done, what I should’ve done from the beginning, although I should’ve never let you go there in the first place.” 

Hearing his mom sound so certain, so decided without even the slightest regard to his feelings, makes Hongjoong shake with anger. 

“That’s not your choice to make.” He snaps, before hanging up the phone. 

Taking a moment to compose himself, letting out a frustrated huff before refocusing, he logs into his university student account. After searching around, he figures out who to talk to, and makes a couple calls regarding his roommate. Thankfully, the process his mom set into motion hadn’t gotten very far, and he was able to convince the office that it was all a misunderstanding, and he’s perfectly fine keeping Wooyoung as his roommate.

He hangs up with relief that at least that conflict is resolved, the only one of many, but it’s better than nothing. It also gives him the push he needs to seek out Wooyoung, desperate to get one of his best friends back, and he can’t let any more time pass with him thinking Hongjoong’s trying to get him kicked out of their room. 

He dials another number on his phone, not having to wait long for it to be picked up.

“Hey cutie.” Seonghwa answers. 

“Ah- stop it.” Hongjoong can’t keep the smile from his voice, or the blush from his cheeks, his stomach churning with butterflies.

“What’s up?” Seonghwa’s question snaps Hongjoong out of his head, reminding him of the reason he called.

“Oh right- I need to know where Wooyoung is, he hasn’t been by here in a while and I really need to talk to him.”

“Yeah, I think he’s been staying with Yeosang.” Seonghwa tells him before explaining how to get to Yeosang’s dorm. 

“I’m really glad you’re going to talk to him.” Seonghwa adds, his voice quieter. 

“Yeah me too. Thanks Hwa.” Hongjoong smiles. 

“You’re welcome, good luck! Let me know how it goes.”

“I will.” 

Hongjoong hangs up the phone feeling lighter, having a plan to set in motion making him feel more confident than he has in days. 

He follows Seonghwa’s directions through campus to another dorm building, making his way to the right room. It’s only now that his nerves catch up to him, facing Wooyoung suddenly seeming as daunting as it has for days. With an audible swallow in an attempt to smother his hesitation, he knocks on the door and waits. 

When it opens, he’s met with Yeosang, who fittingly looks surprised to see him.

“Oh, hey.” Yeosang greets, unsure.

“Can I talk to Wooyoung, is he here?” 

“Um I’m not sure…” Yeosang trails off. 

“Yeo who is it?” Wooyoung’s loud voice cuts through the room as Hongjoong sees him come out of the bathroom past where Yeosang is standing.

Wooyoung’s eyes meet Hongjoong’s and he freezes before slowly walking over and standing next to Yeosang.

“Oh.” His face falls, his voice falling flat. “What do you want?” 

“Please, I just want to talk to you.” Hongjoong pleads. 

“Yeah sure, now you want to talk to me.” Wooyoung rolls his eyes, his voice mocking.

“I know, and I’m really sorry I didn’t come sooner, but just please, hear me out.” Hongjoong’s willing to get down on his knees and beg if he needs to, refusing to let the friendship that means so much to him fall apart any more than it already has. 

“Uh- I think I’m just gonna go… let you two work this out.” Yeosang’s voice brings Hongjoong’s attention to him, still standing between him and Wooyoung. 

He watches as Yeosang pulls on his shoes and steps past him out the door, and he makes sure to give him an apologetic smile for essentially kicking him out of his own room, Yeosang returning it with a curt nod before he’s gone. 

Hongjoong looks to Wooyoung again, the younger’s eyes trailing a glare towards him. With an annoyed huff Wooyoung spins on his heel and walks away, but he leaves the door open, and that’s enough of an invitation for Hongjoong, prompting him to step inside and close the door behind him.

Wooyoung settles on the couch, “So what did you want to tell me? That I have a week to pack my shit and get out of our room? Remind me how disgusting I am to you?” He spits the words, each one broadcasting how hurt he is. Hongjoong kicks himself at the blatant reminder. 

“No, look, I just want to say that I’m sorry.” Hongjoong sits down on the couch next to Wooyoung, aware of the way the younger shifts further away and the sting that accompanies the observation, but he pushes it aside to continue, “I was just surprised, and confused, and scared when my mom showed up and said all those things to me, and I took it out on you. I used you as a scapegoat, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. You didn’t deserve it at all, you never did anything wrong, and I really am so sorry for blaming you. I was a shitty friend and I’m sorry.” 

He does his best to pour every ounce of sincerity into his words and his eyes as he watches Wooyoung, gauging his reaction. Wooyoung only looks back at him, still guarded, while he takes in what Hongjoong said.

“Yeah, you really were shitty.” Wooyoung pouts, but the ice in his voice is thawed. Hongjoong can’t help but let his lips turn up in a small smile. “So what exactly did your mom say to you?”

Hongjoong had expected he’d have to do more groveling to earn Wooyoung’s forgiveness, so it takes a minute for him to catch up to what the younger asked of him. He recounts the words his mom had said to him, doing his best to remember her exact wording, even though repeating it leaves a rancid taste in his mouth. 

“Shit- well I can see why that would freak you out. I’m sorry.” Wooyoung says when Hongjoong’s finished. 

“Please, you have nothing to apologize for. It’s definitely no excuse for what I said to you. Plus you were right, about me, about all of it.” 

Wooyoung nods, “So… what are you going to do now? Are you still trying to kick me out of our room, or..” 

“Oh right! That’s why I needed to find you. I never wanted that, my mom tried to force me to get a different roommate, but I made sure it didn’t happen as soon as I found out about it, after you texted me. I’m going to talk to my mom and make sure she doesn’t pull anything like that again, so don’t worry, you’re still stuck with me.” Hongjoong explains, “Although it’s more like I’m stuck with you.” He teases, pleased when it gets a smile and a playful shove from Wooyoung. 

“Well I’m glad.” Wooyoung confirms.

“So we’re okay?” Hongjoong has to check, has to be sure. 

“We’re okay.” 

Hongjoong hopes that Wooyoung will open his arms for a hug, just to put his nerves at ease for good, but when Wooyoung instead tackles him into the couch, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing, Hongjoong thinks that’s in much more Wooyoung fashion, and he hugs him back just as tightly, certain that he wouldn’t have it any other way. When they pull back, Wooyoung sits on the couch much closer to him than before, and Hongjoong can’t help but feel like there’s something he needs to get off his chest.

“I need to tell you something though.” He gets Wooyoung’s full attention again. 

He feels a blush on his cheeks before he can even get the words out, “I uh… I kind of kissed Seonghwa.” 

Wooyoung blinks at him, processing, before he lights up, “Oh my god, I knew it! This is amazing, I knew you two would be perfect together!” He squeals in excitement, and Hongjoong can’t help but share it with a wide smile. 

“We’re not dating, we’re going to talk about it later, once I get things figured out, but we’re both definitely interested.” Hongjoong feels giddy when he thinks about the older, about the kisses they shared and the way he looks at him. 

Wooyoung grins at him, “I’m really happy for you guys. I know he’s never liked just sleeping around, and he’s wanted more for a long time, something I couldn’t give him.” His face falls slightly as he finishes his thought, head seeming caught in the past. 

“Yeah, he told me about that. It’s not your fault.” Hongjoong puts a comforting hand on Wooyoung’s knee, Wooyoung’s eyes following it.

“So does this mean we won’t get to fuck anymore?” 

The way Wooyoung does a complete 180 nearly gives Hongjoong whiplash, the sudden bold statement making him let out a loud laugh. 

“No, I guess not.” He agrees, “But speaking of, what’s going on with you and San?” 

He sees the way Wooyoung shuts in on himself, closes up as all defensives rise around him, his eyes hardening. 

“Nothing.” 

Hongjoong’s features slip into something sympathetic as he looks at the heartbreak written over Wooyoung, “Woo, I was there with Seonghwa when San came over. He told us what happened. He was a mess.” 

Wooyoung winces, “I never meant to be so harsh with him.” 

“It’s my fault you were, I’m sorry.” 

“No- I mean yeah I was already upset, but there’s no one to blame for what I said but me. He must hate me now, right?” Wooyoung frowns, his shoulders slouched. 

“No, actually he thinks that you hate him. He wants to talk to you too, but couldn’t figure out how, just like me.” 

Hongjoong sees the hope that sparks in Wooyoung’s eyes, “Really? I wish he would, I miss him.” 

“I know he misses you too.” Hongjoong answers, “But what are you going to say when he does talk to you?” 

Wooyoung avoids his gaze, “I don’t know. I was so surprised when he told me that he- that he has feelings for me. I couldn’t stop thinking that everything would change, and that scared the hell out of me.” 

“But what if it’s a good change? What if you deny yourself what you really want because you’re scared?” Hongjoong counters.

Wooyoung pauses, sighing, “I don’t know what I really want.” 

“Just think about it. I’ll tell San to finally get himself together and talk to you, and you’ll work it out. There’s no way you won’t, you’re perfect together.” 

Wooyoung cracks a small smile, his eyes still swimming with hesitation, “Okay. Thank you.” 

Silence falls between them, and Hongjoong can’t keep his mind from wandering to Seonghwa again, the older taking up almost all of his thoughts. He remembers the heat that had rushed through him, more intense and all consuming than it was with Wooyoung, thanks to his heart beating affection through his veins while they kissed. The memory is followed by doubt, and insecurity. 

“What’s wrong?” Wooyoung asks, having noticed his change in demeanor. 

“N-Nothing. It’s nothing.” Hongjoong shakes his head, the tips of his ears heating. 

“Oh come on, you can talk to me about anything!” Wooyoung bounces back to his old, bubbly self, turning on the couch to face Hongjoong fully.

“I just, uh, Seonghwa has more experience than me. What if I’m not good enough for him, like in bed?” Hongjoong feels his blush deepen despite himself. 

“Oh don’t worry about that. Seonghwa’s  _ really  _ easy to get off. Trust me.” Wooyoung winks at Hongjoong with a giggle, “Plus, you’re not bad in bed at all.” 

“Really? Are you sure?” Hongjoong asks.

“Really.” 

Wooyoung’s words fill Hongjoong with relief, and then with anticipation, as he thinks of the possibility of doing more with Seonghwa than their makeout session. 

“So what do you say? For old time’s sake?” Wooyung pulls Hongjoong out of his thoughts. 

Hongjoong eyes him with confusion, until he recognizes the suggestive look in Wooyoung’s eyes and he scoffs, shoving Wooyoung away, making him laugh loudly.

“Okay, okay.” Wooyoung relents, “Do you want to watch some tv then?” 

Hongjoong spends the rest of the evening with Wooyoung, Yeosang coming back to the room soon after their conversation ends. He enjoys spending time with both of them, the night relaxing before he has to get back to his own room and assignments. Wooyoung walks back with him, the two of them talking lightly, the younger helping him make a plan. Hongjoong goes to bed feeling confident, his best friend back in his own bed across the room. 

  
  


Hongjoong takes a couple days to collect himself and his thoughts before he talks to his mom, most of them spent with Seonghwa. On one of the days, he walks in his room, just getting back from his classes, a greeting for Wooyoung dying on his tongue when he steps inside and freezes, closing the door behind him.

Wooyoung is straddling San on the couch, their lips locked and tongues tangling. They don’t part, even at the sound of the door opening and closing, and Hongjoong rolls his eyes.

“Glad to see you guys made up.” He calls. 

It’s finally enough for Wooyoung to pull away from San, although he doesn’t make a move to get up. 

“Hey Joong. Yeah, we actually just got done talking. I’m going to try the whole boyfriend thing!” 

Wooyoung beams at him before his focus shifts, and he’s leaning down to capture San’s lips again as his hands grip Wooyoung’s waist. The two of them show no signs of parting anytime soon, and Hongjoong can guess if they were only recently talking, then emotions and urges must be running high right now. He shuffles over to his desk and shoves some of his books and notebooks in his bag. 

“Okay, well I’m really happy for you guys, and I’m going to go to Seonghwa’s now.” He gestures towards the door even though neither of them can see him. 

Without breaking the heated kiss, Wooyoung waves a hand at him. Chuckling, Hongjoong walks back across the room. 

“Have fun!” He calls before walking out the door.

A couple days after that, it’s Saturday, and Hongjoong’s standing at the bus stop, waiting for it to take him back to his hometown. He hadn’t told his mom he’s coming to talk to her, he’d decided just to meet her face to face and deal with any consequences.

The whole ride his leg bounces, anxiety bubbling up his throat at the idea of confronting his mom. He texts Seonghwa non stop, the older his saving grace, keeping him calm and giving him endless encouragement. He also has Seonghwa’s jacket wrapped tightly around him, the smell and warmth giving him much needed comfort. Hongjoong couldn’t be any more grateful for Seonghwa. 

When he finally reaches the house he grew up in, standing in front of the familiar door, an odd sense of determination has set in him. He knows what he wants to say, or at least convey, and he knows why he’s doing it. He doesn’t want to lose his relationship with his mom if he doesn’t have to, but he’ll fight for his life, his career and passions, his friends, Seonghwa. He’ll fight for himself. He knocks on the door and waits. 

When his mom answers it, her face goes from polite greeting to guarded the second she sees him. With few words spoken between them, his mom lets him into the house, leading him to the dining room table where they sit across from each other. 

“What do you need?” His mom’s voice is perfectly professional, emotionless. 

“We really need to talk.”

His mom nods, silently signalling for him to continue. 

Hongjoong takes a deep breath, “I need you to stop trying to make Wooyoung leave our room, or trying to get me to leave school.”

“You want me to just sit back and let you go down this sinful path?” She bites back. 

“Yes.” 

Hongjoong’s confident response takes his mom by surprise. 

“I don’t want to disappoint you, and I’m not trying to do anything to upset you, but I’m going to put myself first now.” 

Instead of barking back another rebuttal, his mom pauses in thought. Hongjoong thinks it’s a promising start. 

“But why does that mean doing things that go against God?” 

Hongjoong’s hopeful that his mom will actually listen and try to understand him.

“I’m just being a normal college kid, doing things that make me happy and expressing myself. Wooyoung is my best friend, and he helped me explore who I am. He helped me find out that I’m gay.” 

He doesn’t miss his mom’s grimace, but he presses on.

“I’m finally happy with myself. I love my school, and my major, and my friends. I might even love Seonghwa, and I really hope you’ll accept me enough to meet him someday.” 

There’s a long pause of silence, and Hongjoong expects his mom to kick him out of the house, effectively ending any chance they have at reconciliation. He’s beyond shocked when she responds, her voice quiet but not cold or detached like it was before.

“I can’t tell you that I understand, or that I’m okay with all of it, but I want to try, and I’m sorry for what I said to you that day. I’ve regretted it ever since.” 

Hongjoong feels like he’s dreaming, “Really?”

His mom nods ever so slightly, “I’ve been trying to come to terms with it, and more than anything I want to accept you, for who you are. I don’t want to lose you. And there’s something about you, I’ve noticed that you seem different, happier.” 

“I am happy.” Hongjoong confirms.

Their conversation lulls into something calm, something more reminiscent of how they used to talk to each other. It’s familiar, and it’s more than nice.

“I like this, is it new?” His mom comments, gesturing at his jacket.

“It’s actually Hwa’s.” Hongjoong feels a blush creep up his cheeks. 

“Ah- So this… Seonghwa, tell me about him?” 

A smile spreads across Hongjoong’s face at his mom’s gesture. He gushes about Seonghwa to her, and he can tell that she makes an effort to mirror his happiness and be open to the news he excitedly shares. He spends far longer there than he plans to, even staying for a surprisingly pleasant dinner. He had really missed his mom. When he goes to leave, his mom walking him to the door, she pauses before opening it, facing him. 

“I’m really glad you came today.” She smiles, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. 

“Me too.” 

She pulls him in for a tight hug, the feeling of home surrounding him. 

“I couldn’t ask for a better son.” She whispers, and Hongjoong grins, tears pricking at his eyes, his heart heavy and chest full with elation. It's almost hard to let go. 

  
  


When Hongjoong gets home he immediately recounts everything that had happened to Wooyoung, who screams with glee while he wraps him up in a hug. 

Hongjoong almost couldn't feel happier, but there's one thing still weighing on his mind. He untangles himself from Wooyoung’s grasp and steps back. 

“There's something I have to go do.” 

Wooyoung smiles, “Go get your man!” 

Hongjoong rolls his eyes, but chuckles and doesn't disagree that that is, in fact, what he's doing while he touches up his appearance and leaves the room again with promises to report everything back to Wooyoung, as per usual. 

He feels dizzy with excitement, hurrying over to Seonghwa’s dorm and knocking on the door probably a little too loudly. When Seonghwa opens it, Hongjoong jumps forward, wrapping his arms around his neck. Seonghwa catches him with a chuckle and his arms around his waist. 

“Hi.” Seonghwa greets, his deep voice sending a shiver down Hongjoong’s spine. 

They move to the couch, instead of just standing in the doorway, and Hongjoong settles on Seonghwa’s lap, humming when the older holds him in place with his hands on his waist again. Hongjoong tells Seonghwa the same story he told Wooyoung, letting every ounce of joy seep through his words. 

Seonghwa pulls him in for a crushing hug once he’s done, whispering how proud he is of him and how happy he is for him. Hongjoong could stay there in his arms, listening to his voice forever, but he remembers why he rushed over in the first place, and he pulls back enough to look at Seonghwa. 

“I want to talk about us now.” 

Seonghwa smiles at him, “Okay.” 

“I think- I really like you. And I want to be with you.” Hongjoong tells him. 

“You’re sure?”

Hongjoong presses his lips to Seonghwa’s, letting them slot together, his passion flowing through the heat, “I’m sure.” 

When Seonghwa smiles again, white teeth on display, his eyes sparkling, Hongjoong’s heart threatens to beat out of his chest. 

“How about we start with a date?” 

“I’d love to.” Hongjoong returns his smile, feeling like he’s flying. 

Seonghwa kisses him again, and it feels like everything fits together, like he finally knows who he is and where he fits in. His whole life he’d lived sheltered, unknowing of what he was missing, and what he was denying himself of. 

As he loses himself to the feeling of Seonghwa’s lips against his, the taste of Seonghwa’s tongue, he’s more content than he ever has been. He has a boyfriend, a group of best friends, and a path that will lead him somewhere he actually wants to go. There's one person he has to thank above all else, who set his life into motion; he really, truly, couldn’t have asked for a better roommate. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, let me know what you think!  
> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
